Genuinely interested in the comments.
I (30m) love to cook, and have dated 2 ladies in the past who could not cook and showed little desire to learn. In hindsight, the fact they could not cook a decent meal kinda was a red flag in my opinion.
Edit: I would like to clarify the word decent. By decent I mean, healthily. Think vegetables/proteins, not premade rubbish. I didn’t mean decent as in elaborate/passionate.
33 comments
In a way, yes. I think lack of cooking skills, basic car maintenance, basic home maintenance etc. is a red flag for me. For me, they will rely on me too much.
I’ve been there and it’s not attractive being the ‘mum’. But if that’s the only complaint, then it’s not so bad.
Yes , it’s basic adult skill to know
Not even slightly for me. I live in nyc and order in every night. My fiancée and I live together so I just order for 2 each night and the delivery infrastructure here is amazing and the food options are incredible and open very late
All depends on your lifestyle and priorities
Historically, women have been the ones who prepare food in their families. The vast majority still do today. If not liking to cook or being good at cooking was a truly a red flag, a lot of women would have passed up on their husbands. I’d challenge that some men look at it as a red flag because a woman who doesn’t like to cook goes against what is societally seen is normal as dictated by “gender roles.”
For me it’s not a red flag, just like a man today not being handy with tools wouldn’t necessarily be a red flag. Would it be a plus if they were? Sure. Is it necessary for a healthy relationship? No. What is more important for me is that they’re an equal partner – however the tasks within that partnership divy up is fine with me.
If you’re looking for someone who likes to cook – then that’s fine, it’s a pastime/passion/hobby preference, no more no less. But women who don’t like to do that certainly aren’t a “red flag.”
Can’t cook is fine. I can teach someone to cook. Won’t cook though, that’s really fking annoying and if you wife her it can be financially damaging.
A red flag indicating what exactly?
I feel like “can’t cook” is such a subjective judgment. Like, does this woman not know anything beyond toast and boiling eggs? Or is it more like she doesn’t want to spend 2 hours cooking gourmet meals? Because I can see the opposite side of this. I’m pretty efficient in my cooking, throwing healthy ingredients together but taking no more than ~15 to 20 minutes to make a meal. I dated a guy who loved cooking and spent an hour and a half meticulously preparing gourmet meals, every meal, and wanting me to join in each time, and that became frustrating for me. So it just depends on perspective.
The lack of interest in learning is bad news to me..
someone refusing to grow as a person and learn a skill that wouldn’t just benefit you, but themselves and a potential family you 2 could someday start (if the relationship were to continue long enough) is an issue.
At least to me it comes off selfish and unmotivated. That mentality could appear in multiple things and if they are stubborn about self reflecting and making effort.. probably not much of a team player
i am a 23f who does not like to cook. growing up my mother was always resentful for being the chef every day for my family and it became a negatively associated thing for me. i don’t really know how to cook but i’m smart enough to figure out recipes when i want. it’s just not a favorite task of mine anymore
I’m a woman who loves to cook but I don’t see people who don’t/can’t cook as reds. People have value in many other ways besides cooking.
But if it’s a red flag for YOU- that is totally ok!! It’s ok to prefer someone who cooks.
It depends on what you mean by cooking. Cooking is a skill and an interest that not everyone wants to pursue.
I think it’s a bit weird if an adult of any gender can’t make a basic meal, but I would never ask anyone to spend hours in the kitchen or make super advanced stuff unless they enjoyed it.
Only red flags in this case are if they refuse to learn to cook imo
Lacking adult skills in general is a turnoff. If people spent less time on social media and more time on maybe trying to learn useful shit, we’d be better off.
I think it’s a red flag if anyone can’t cook, regardless of gender. Everyone should be able to prepare simple meals.
Only if you think a man not being able to cook is a red flag (which I do). We should be able to take care of our basic needs, regardless of stereotypical gender roles.
As with the other poster..yes. It doesn’t matter the gender. People should be able to have the basic adult skills, including cooking in order to look after themselves, at the very least be willing and open to learning
Red flag gets overused and over applied. No it is not.
Yes, how can you not know how to cook at all?! It’s an important life skill to have irrespective of whether you’re a man or woman.
Nah. So long as she expresses other means of self improvement, learning, and growth it is fine. If she doesn’t, then she’s lazy.
Lets be honest here, we all saw another went post, and yes it is a went, and do one really cares about all that “red flag go away omg opinion matter”. If someone can live without cooking there must be a reason that internet wont solve.
If they can’t cook but are willing to learn and make an effort to learn, that’s okay. Cant cook and having no drive or need to learn? I wouldn’t call it a red-flag (bc I associate the saying to danger warnings) but I definitely see it as a turn-off. It’s a basic human skill everyone should know to an extent. Partners should share in taking turns cooking in my opinion. I’d hate to be stuck coming home from work to have to cook for a man who was just sitting around waiting for me, fending for himself, or ordering junk.
It’s an inconvenience but if they’re willing to learn, I wouldn’t consider it a red flag.
Context also matters. Some people don’t master skills like cooking unless they’re pushed to live alone and that’s not always possible with the housing market generally being unaffordable so more people live at home with parents these days.
Me personally? Yeah, I think it’s a basic life skill. Like if you didn’t know how to sweep or mop.
I think it’s a red flag if a person in general doesn’t have at least a couple of things they can make well, but not more for women than it is for men.
It’s not a red flag! Many people out there don’t know how to cook and sometimes they are too intimidated.
My mom started learning how to cook at 50 ! (My dad had passed and he was the cook of the house). She used to burn grilled cheese and now she can make a perfect risotto.
She struggled w learning how to cook because she always felt judged and overwhelmed in the kitchen.
At the end of the day it’s a skill that can be learned. Are these girls kind? Do they make you laugh? Do they have any other hobbies they are passionate about?
No.
And I say this as a woman who enjoys cooking.
I love to cook, and I’d be annoyed with someone who might want to cook more often than me.
That said, that kind of lack of dependence and basic skills is a turn off.
Does she have other skills or is she just a bum? Like if you dont cook but you can use excel like a wizard then by all means. Doordash.
Not having the basic knowledge to let’s say, bake some chicken, whip up some mashed potatoes, and prepare vegetables in a tasty way, then yes.
I don’t expect gourmet meals with tons of flavor and ingredients, but having the knowledge to be able to prepare us something healthy and nutritious is a big plus.
If she brings in the money I’d be ok with her lacking cooking skills but that’s only my opinion
There was a reversed hender question about this today… Is someone doing a social experiment?
A woman or man not liking to cook is fine.
Not knowing how to cook, particularly at my age (33) is probably going to be lr at least correlate to other dealbreakers for me.
yes. all adults regardless of gender should be able to be self sufficient and have basic life skills. cooking included.