I am a non smoker 30f and my boyfriend of 3 months is 27m smoker.
We met on OLD. On his profile he had stated that he was a social smoker. So, I thought he would smoke every once in a while when he is out in a bar/with friends getting drunk.
It turns out he smokes one or two cigarettes per day. When I talked to him about how I hate smoking, he said he promised himself that will do his best to not smoke when he is around me. And he broke this promise twice already.
I grew up in a household where my mother (non smoker, anti smoking) would always nag my father (heavy smoker). My father would smoke all over the house, about a pack a day. My mother is a health freak, and cares a lot about her childrens’ health as well as hers. I am just like her and I worry that in the future my relationship would take a turn like that. I also worry that one or two cigs per day may escalate into a pack a day in the future.
Would you date a smoker if you are a non smoker? What do you suggest I should consider to make a healthy decision? I love him so much and I don’t want to throw this great relationship just because of this. But I can see in the future this may lead to some serious problems.
28 comments
100% dealbreaker for me. I won’t consider it. I won’t even date actual social smokers. I want nothing to do with it.
It’s been 3 months. I don’t love anyone “so much” that I hardly know. The smoking would be the end but I never would’ve started if you had an issue with smoking.
Smoking is a dealbreaker for me. Zero tolerance for any of that.
Would not date a smoker. Are there any similarities beyond smoking between your father and your bf? 🤔
I dated a social smoker for a bit. Though she didn’t smoke around me, on more than one occasion when making out I could feel/taste/smell the smoke on her breath. Sometimes it disgusted me, sometimes it was hot
As a former smoker who claimed to be a “social smoker” smoking is an absolute deal breaker for me.
Many smoke more regularly than they claim or are willing to admit. I haven’t smoked in years and have no desire and can’t stand the smell at all. It’s not worth tolerating
Dealbreaker for me.
I just assume that anyone listing themselves as a ‘social smoker’ is being dishonest with either their potential dates or with themselves.
smoking is one of 3 dealbreakers for me. haven’t done it, won’t do it, couldn’t do it
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you gotta decide if its a dealbreaker or not for you. i dont even care if its not around me, that shit smells and tastes gross, and i dont need that stain in my house or car either (not that i have a car anymore, but you get the point) .. and I grew up with tons of people who smoked, and I worked on a tobacco farm for years when i was a kid
Would I date a smoker? Yeah, if everything else checked out.
Does that matter at all in this situation? Nope, not at all.
You have to decide if you’re willing to date a smoker. What I can tell you, is that the idea that he won’t smoke around you or that he might quit or that he doesn’t smoke THAT much… isn’t going to mesh with reality.
He smokes a lot more than he’s letting on… and it’s not likely it’s going to get better.
He claimed to be a social smoker. Yet, he actually smokes every single day. He’s already told you he won’t smoke around you… and that’s already proven not true. If he was truly only smoking one or two a day, he wouldn’t have already smoked around you as well.
If smoking or skirting the truth are issues for you… move on.
This is called a dealbreaker. I have two non-negotiables. This is one of them. It’s ok to have them.
I’ve never smoked a day in my life and it’s honestly a deal breaker for me. That said I’ve dated around 4 different men who smoked. Honestly now if I met someone and saw they smoke anything [yes weed too, which for me is worse] I’m taking a pass. I know that shrinks my pool down a great deal but I don’t want to live with an ashtray or that skunk funk smell. As a nonsmoker I have a sensitive nose and frankly I like my lungs to be smoke free.
I used to smoke more than a pack a day. I quit about 5yr ago.
I have dated smokers. Their skin and mouth will taste like tar. It’s really gross.
Nicotine is incredibly addictive. If he can’t control himself around you, then imagine how little control he has when he isn’t around you.
Imo a social smoker doesn’t buy cigs. They borrow them from an actual smoker in social settings. If he is buying packs, then he is a smoker. Social smokers are very rare, and it is not a sustainable state. Either they become more addicted and start buying smokes, or they realize how gross it is and quit.
I am a former smoker turned social smoker (only when drinking). I would keep a pack in my car that would last MONTHS. Then I started dating a smoker. Eventually I found myself constantly taking drags of his cigarette to full blown smoking again despite trying hard not to. I asked him to refrain from smoking around me bc it was too tempting. He clearly could not And clothes would constantly stink of fresh smoke. I eventually told him I would need to break it off as it was having a negative affect on me
Is it my responsibility to abstain from smoking? Absolutely. But if someone is having a negative influence on your health whether directly or indirectly by violating boundaries then you need to do what you need to do.
I swipe left if they don’t state they never smoke, big deal breaker for me as a non smoker
Without any disrespect to anyone who smokes – for me smoking is a 100% dealbreaker, mainly because I hate the smell, the sight of ashtrays/smoke butts, the idea of kissing a smoker is vile to me – but also I dislike how irritable smokers can get when they are stressed or craving a cigarette
I had asthma growing up and very sensitive to smoke – 100% deal breaker for me.
Smoking is a deal breaker for me as well. Anytime I see “social smoker” on a profile, I just keep going past them. There is no such thing in my opinion. Either you smoke or you don’t. I want to date a non smoker, period.
My ex husband was a smoker who kept promising to quit. 10 years after we met – he’s still smoking.
Dated a smoker as an ex smoker. Ended up with me smoking occasionally when drinking (totally on me). She stopped for a bit, then started right back up after a stressful day. I wouldn’t kiss her after she smoked and that was seen as an attack. Resentment on both sides. 0 stars, do not recommend.
Just break up. You’re already saying you’re going to nag him and be controlling about it basically so just save yourself the trouble.
I would have had a big issue towards dating a smoker few years back. But somehow I don’t care about it any more. I have had some new friends who smoke, and I just think I have got used it. The weirdest part is, that I actually find it a bit attractive some times when a guy smokes…. 😳 I can’t explain why.
So, things can change 🤷♀️
I used to be a social smoker, and then I was a real smoker! Some people are genuinely able to handle just 1-2 cigarettes per day, and can keep it in control, but it is the definition of playing with fire. You can so easily slip into 5 per day, etc. Smoking is now so far out of the social norms that I can’t imagine dating a smoker today. Once a week at a bar with friends is social smoking, taking a cigarette break on the back patio every night is not social smoking.
I personally wouldn’t date a smoker. In my experience at some point they’re going to smoke indoors/in shared spaces, and that is not how I choose to live.
I love a woman who smokes cigarettes, all else being equal. The smell on/in a person doesn’t bother me at all.
I’m not exactly a non-smoker, though. I’ve never bought a pack of cigarettes in my life, but I’ll occasionally join somebody outside a bar for a cigarette or two. I also vape nicotine, so there’s that.
Nonsmoker here. Have dated plenty of smokers. It honestly never bothered me at all but maybe I’m in the minority here lol
I’m a smoker. Half pack a day. If someone finds that a dealbreaker, sure, let us both move on. It is only fair.
I went on a date with someone who seemed good on paper but went out twice during our 2.5 hour date to smoke. I decided when he left for the first smoke break that I would not date him seriously. I was already there and ordered a drink so I figured I’d at least stay and chat.
That date was a wild ride and he left abruptly for other reasons lmao. Imo smoking is a habit, similar to how overeating or overspending are habits. These aren’t necessarily always *malicious* habits and some people are accepting of these habits. But that doesn’t mean **I** have to accept these habits. Letting the other person go to find someone who fully accepts them, including their habits, is best for everyone in the long run.
I was a smoker once, and dated non smokers.
I was mostly smoking 1-3 cigarettes a day, maybe one of those would happen when I was with the person I was dating, but not all the time. They were not happy about that, but it’s an addiction- it was honestly really hard to avoid smoking when I wanted to, and all people who say “he can just smoke when he is not with you” have probably not smoked in their lives. It ain’t that easy okay?
From a person who used to smoke A LOT more when she was younger, I can tell you that 1 or 2 is pretty good for someone who smokes on the regular and that he most likely will quit at some point instead of smoking more. OR, he will keep smoking a couple of cigarettes.
If he ever quits, it’s a decision that HE will make. Every time I tried to quit for someone, under ultimatums, pressure, shaming, etc, it did not work out. It’s an addiction. but when people decide to quit on their terms, rest assured that it is exactly what they want to do.
Dating a smoker now- never have before.
I have asthma so he doesn’t smoke inside and when we are outside together He makes it a point to keep it out of my face. No issues with this.
I do get frustrated sometimes when he is particularly craving it and becomes more irritable… but my main concern is for his health. It is what it is. I love him for who he is and him smoking isn’t going to change that. We all have our vices.