I am really fat, about 300 pounds at 5ft 7in, even worse my waist is 56 inches, I have CAD, I am also bipolar. I might have diabetes too, I don’t know. Normally I am very close with my husband (59) (we have been together for decades) and my daughter (25), I love them more than anything. I got home and they were waiting for me, my spouse and my daughter (she is from a previous relationship, also she moved out and doesn’t live with us). I left before they could begin talking, they begged me to let them talk yo me, I drove away to be alone. I eventually came home and it was just my spouse, I went to be alone in our room, he is still working for something for his job. I don’t know what to say, we haven’t talked about it, I feel so embarrassed by my reaction. What should I say? I want to apologize but I can’t. Sometimes I think I should’ve let them keep saying whatever they started saying.
Tldr; I got angry and fled an intervention my husband and daughter arranged to tell me to take better care of myself and lose weight
Edit: English is not my first language
8 comments
It sounds like you have their love and concern for your well being. You need to show initiative now and re-book a time when they are both available to sit down, listen and discuss how they can support you and a decisive path and plan forward to better your health.
You say “ I understand your concern. This is very hard for me too. I will talk to a doctor because the weight makes me nervous. But know that this is very difficult for me and I can’t handle both my feelings about it and yours too. So I am asking you to back off. When I need your help I will ask”.
Then talk to a doctor or doctors and try to figure out how to over time get a little healthier. I think your daughter and husband are just trying to make sure you stay alive so they can continue to enjoy having you in the world as long as possible.
If they know that you’re in a healthy state the weight won’t matter as much. Big hug and much luck!
My mom flees the room also whenever I want to talk to her about important stuff she would rather ignore. It’s happened so often that I barley talk to her anymore about important things. If you want to keep your daughter and husband in your important world, you should believe that they only want what’s best for you. They love you dearly and they are scared they will lose you to an early grave or to a very bad illness.
Please just let them talk to you. Say “I’m sorry I left. I know why you want to talk. I will listen now and try to be part of the conversation.”
“I appreciate you having the love for me to come forward w such a tricky topic that too many would ignore to my detriment; I’m making specific action [X] tomorrow to begin my journey.”
You’ve got permission to make a change in life. Good luck.
Sounds like they were doing you a favor
What are you hoping will happen? I’m not being sarcastic, just asking how you think this will go down.
You know they’re worried about you, so, if you aren’t actively planning to regain control of your weight and health at this time, then listening to them will mean you antagonizing them (because you will act defensively), and hurting them. And I assume you don’t want to do that, which is why you went into flight mode and avoided the conversation entirely.
Your wanting to apologize is tied to that gesture of hurting them, but not to fulfilling their request for you to be more active about your own health; basically, you want to apologize for the former while making no promises for the latter. So, until the moment when you’re ready to be, I think that that shame will prevent you from apologizing to them. You know that if you apologize now, they will still be hurt that you didn’t take their concerns to heart, or that you made promises to “get better” that you ended up not keeping.
The truth is that you already know what your health is like — at least parts you’re not in denial about (and you _know_ that you’re in denial about them). Reddit can tell you things you’ve heard a million times before, but _you_ have to be the one to take action. It’s not easy, but then again, lots of things that are ultimately better for us, require a lot of effort and long-term commitment at the expense of short-term satisfaction.
Interventions are embarrassing. Go to the doctor and see if you have diabetes. If so, proper management of diabetes (so you can keep your feet) should help jump start weight loss.
If your heart is healthy enough, I’m a huge fan of medically assisted weight loss to get started BUT you have to have the diet and lifestyle changes to pair with it or else once you go off the meds the weight comes back. I prefer the meds to assist bc it helps with the reinforcement of the lifestyle changes quickly.
You just have to drop your ego, listen to them and do what is best for you, they genuinely love you I believe from what you said that’s why they even think of telling you to take out time and take care of your health, this is for your own good also, only the people that love you and care about you will want you to be healthy in life. Thank you.