I feel really conflicted. I call myself a Christian but I love going out to clubs. I love the loud music, the drinks, and especially having women grinding on me and touching me. Almost every time I’ve gone I’ve gotten some kind of action from cute girls. I never get attention from women anywhere else.
I would love to have a girlfriend and get married but I guess I’m not good enough for that. Tonight I might sneak out from my parents house and go clubbing again. I’m an adult but I still live with them and they don’t like me going to clubs.
I still go to church and I read the Bible but I have like no outlets for sexual feelings or just having fun like that. It’s driving me crazy. I might cry tonight if I can’t go. I know that sounds pathetic but I want to feel excited and have a great time. I love my parents but I wish they’d let me make my own decisions.
37 comments
Life is about choices, man.
Take what you want and pay for it, like the rest of us.
Religion is a cult. Don’t let it make you feel guilty. Go clubbing if you want. Take it easy on the alcohol and drugs
how old are you op?
The dynamic is about your parents and your ability to support yourself, not religion. You could talk to yourself or find your own place.
Christians aren’t perfect people.
It comes down to your relationship with God, not if you drink or party.
Feel your convictions, but don’t let shame and condemnation control you, man.
Praying for you, brother
All I can tell you is that half the people on reality TV are wearing big crosses and have Bible verse tattoos and they’re making out with everybody on the show, and they never seem conflicted.
It really depends on what’s more important to you!
Most people here would tell you to drop your religion and go clubbing whenever you want, but it’s really up to you which you’d rather do.
As for the girlfriend thing, youre young. You don’t have to give up on it yet! You might still meet someone in the future, although I understand that it is extremely difficult with no sexual outlets.
My dude, just drop it. Don’t be that hard on yourself, I get it I was raised too in a Christian family, attended religious school, the whole combo.
God himself is not going to ravage you with a lightning bolt for clubbing. Stretch your values, explore new things, enjoy this great life. Religion can give us a certain structure & mindset but be brave enough to question it.
Don’t let the burden of religious thought crush your spirit, go out there and get wild, go to weird places, meet weird people and do weird things that put you on a state of happiness.
You saw Forrest Gump? Like Lt. Dan on top of a boat mast in the middle of a storm screaming to God – and then making peace with him. I hope you find that peace too. Cheers.
As a 40-year-old man who didn’t lose his virginity until age 29, I can give you one piece of advice. GO OUT.
Have fun. Make mistakes. Meet people. Live your life. Gain experience. Don’t worry about what your parents or anyone else are going to think. If you like dancing and meeting women at clubs, do that. You aren’t hurting anyone, and if your parents don’t approve, they are stifling you, you don’t need their permission.
As long as you aren’t hurting anyone and everything you do is between consenting adults, just have fun and be safe.
Dang you are way too hard on yourself. You’re shaming yourself for being human. You need peace with yourself
Every religious “belief” is just an “excuse”.
You are going to regret not living your life while you’re young. Religious or not you need to live YOUR life and not the life your PARENTS want for you. Your life is separate from their lives and you are strong enough and far old enough to make decisions yourself.
As someone who never believed but was forced to and mentally left Catholicism at a young age I do not regret my decision to leave those cult-like teachings behind. If a God would truly send you to hell for doing something so simple as dancing with women or having sexual urges then that is not a God I want anything to do with. Don’t let it control your life because you only get one.
The best thing I ever did was move away from my parental figures.
Christianity is a journey. You don’t start being a Christian and are automatically a saint. It takes a long time to grow in your faith. I’ve been a Christian since sixth grade. I’m 28 and I’m just now really learning how to read the Bible and trying to cut things out that I feel conviction about. Don’t get down on yourself because you don’t think you’re the picture of Christianity like the thumpers in church. Odds are, they do things worse in secret.
The saddest part of your post is that you feel guilty for enjoying a perfectly natural fun time.
There is nothing wrong with what you want to do. Go enjoy yourself and live the life you want to. If you believe in god and Christianity you can still follow your beliefs and be a good Christian without following outdated beliefs that pretend some of the joys in life aren’t god given while other selective joys are.
Personally, I’m an agnostic. I’m unsure of religion but I strongly feel if there is a God then he’d want us to enjoy all the things he’s given us that are enjoyable as long as we’re good to our fellow men and the earth. I just don’t understand people who like to say that they see god in everything around them while at the same time picking and choosing which things they want to see god in and deciding that other things, that might otherwise be considered good, are evil without even considering that those things might also be god given.
22 and sneaking out. Dude move out.
I’m not a Christian so take my response with a pinch of salt. You need to think through what your own personal values are. Not the ones given by your parents and your culture, but the ones you truly have a good sense of and rationale for. Do you truly believe it’s wrong to enjoy sexual attention at a club? If so, don’t go. If you don’t, then work on that internalised shame and get clearer what your true values actually are. It’s okay to have sexual feeling and also be a Christian, but you need to work through the inner conflict because avoiding it can drive one to dark places. Good luck.
You are an adult, so you can make your own decisions. I’m not saying it’ll be easy, particularly if you live at home, but it sounds like it’s time for you to stand on your own two feet and make some choices.
It also sounds like you’re taking the teachings of the religion you were born into at face value and not doing much deeper thinking about it. Why is it not ok to go out and dance with women? Why would it not be ok to feel good and enjoy yourself if everyone consents and is having a fun time? Why would a loving god not want that for you?
This could actually be a significant turning point in your life. Are you going to move forward without questioning what other’s have told you to believe? Or, are you going to look at your life with clear eyes and decide what you want and do it?
Good luck, OP. I hope you find yourself on a path to happiness and autonomy!
Edit for typo
Realizing that I was an atheist and fully abandoning religion was the best decision I ever made for myself. 10/10 highly recommend it. Religion does nothing but make you feel guilty for being a normal human with normal desires and needs. Go enjoy yourself, fuck your parents. Tell them you are a grown man and you’ll do as you please as long as you aren’t hurting anyone. I’d move out as soon as you can and don’t tell them things. Get a therapist and set proper boundaries with your parents.
I mean, who cares? You’re 22, a grown man able to decide for yourself. Move out, and live the way you want to. Loads of people are/call themselves Christians, and still have sexual outlets, without guilt.
There’s no “one right way” to be religious. So if that’s what you wanna be, make it work for you, in a way, where you can still be a human, with human desires and emotions. It’s fine
Why do you think you’re not good enough to get married OP?
It doesn’t sound crazy… If you don’t go, crying is a normal action to release normal human emotion! And I really relate to this. We literally NEED to do the things we love. Studio, start looking for place! You need your space
This is what religion does to kids and people. They are brainwashed to think it’s some kind of a sin to enjoy life, that you will burn in hell for eternity for enjoying yourself. It’s disgusting and it’s pure child abuse. Go enjoy your life young man, life is real, you are real, your feelings,not some imaginary shit. None of that exists, no hell, no god, no judging of any kind.
Alright brother. Christian here who went through similar personal conflicts when I was younger.
1) You want to honor your parents because it also honors God and I respect that. But there is a difference between honoring them as an adult and honoring them while under their authority. You are an adult. But as long as you live under their roof, you will not be able to get out from under the self-imposed rule you find yourself subjected to. It’s time to move out and be your own person.
You won’t ever figure out who you are or who you want to be while your personal growth is stunted by continuing to live as their child.
2) Speaking of who you are: who are you? Sounds like your identity is heavily wrapped up in the things that you do. Reading the Bible doesn’t make you who you are. Being a Christian doesn’t make you who you are. So who are you?
And listen, I get it. I had the “Who I am in Christ” poster with all those affirmations up on my wall for forever. Especially in the evangelical world, it is taught and encouraged to wrap up your identity with your belief system so that you can no longer tell the two things apart. At the time, it seemed right – like the healthy way to live in the midst of a sick world.
Then it took me 15 years of struggling and fighting with myself to figure out that who I AM is not the same thing as what I believe. Separating those two things took me another 3 years, and I’m still picking up the pieces.
Take my advice: discover yourself, apart from your parents, apart from your faith — as important as those things are, you will not ever find peace until you can do that.
3) Don’t be afraid to make mistakes. I wish I had taken more risks and made more mistakes. Live a little, let go of the guilt and shame, and have fun.
I will warn you to check yourself — you’ve been sheltered for so long that you are at a very high risk of going overboard once you’re off the leash. There’s no rebel quite like the sheltered Christian kid that discovers freedom for the first time. So keep an eye on that. But give yourself some grace, and don’t sweat every little thing. Life has a lot to offer, and the world is much, much, bigger than you’ve seen.
4) But seriously, move out. It’s time.
Question OP- are you “allowed” to the movies with your bros and go get food afterwards?
I’m not encouraging lying to them, just trying to gauge WHY they don’t want you to have a life.
I’m sorry you were brainwashed as a child and now have to deal with these hang ups. You’re not addicted to anything, you’re being young and having fun.
Religion is evil. This isn’t even the tip of the iceberg ie taking away people’s rights, hating people for loving someone of the same gender…
Religion poisons everything.
Don’t let your religion consume your life you still have time to escape
Try molly, then LSD. Then prepare to have a new perspective on God.
Religion shouldn’t be a prison. Rejecting your *perfectly natural and healthy* wants, needs, desires, and urges is a sure-fire path to depression and anxiety.
Regardless of what or how you worship, you are a human being and you have all the trappings of being human. It might be none of my business, but I wouldn’t encourage anyone to follow any doctrine that demonizes natural, healthy things.
Go out. Grind up on some girls. You’re an adult. There is absolutely no harm in it.
Just because you are Christian doesn’t mean you can’t have fun. Just because you are having fun doesn’t mean you can’t have a relationship. You don’t have to feel guilty. The things you are doing are actually quite tame. Go out tonight and have a good time.
Christianity is bullshit. Go out and have fun.
Bro your too hard on yourself, I wish I had friends to even go to a club
I was formerly Christian and to be real dude I think a lot of the requirements and sins denoted by the religion are just old-fashioned morals that were enforced by the clergy. If you’re a good person and live life being a good person, I doubt God will throw you into the burner for getting some action at a club.
Bro, you’re 22. I’m not religious myself, but I’m aware of the benefits it can provide people. I’m also aware of the crippling amount of self guilt it can inflict. It’s ok to go to the club and enjoy your 20s. Trust me, if there’s an omniscient, all powerful being who defies space and time, he’s not up there scolding you for having some fun under some lights.
Now if you’re 40 years old and still going to clubs, maybe it’s time to have a talk. Enjoy yourself, you will evolve at different stages of your life. Just be safe and stop crippling yourself with guilt. Most people go through a club stage, including me. Now at 33 I wouldn’t go within 5 feet of a club. I’d rather sleep. Enjoy yourself and just be a good person and you’ll be fine.
I’m a Christian. Go have fun. Always remember to respect your body and other people’s bodies in the process but also don’t spend your whole life denying yourself experiences that make you happy.
People get way too focused on living by a set of rigid rules in religion, but Jesus was pretty clear about what was important : 1: Love God. 2: Love your neighbor as yourself.
Go dance!
Buddy if it makes you feel better God put that dog in all breathing animals nothing wrong with it just rub one off or if you get the chance make sure to use protection.
LMAO Christians always being doing shit they said they didn’t do or will never do. Christians inflict that hypocrisy on society. I guess it will be that way forever. Reconcile your personal truth with what you enjoy. Treat people with kindness and integrity and grind on people as long as they consent. Don’t be an asshole.