throwaway account-
I(21f)have a problem with understanding jokes. It used be a lot worser back when I was younger. I am also confused what is socially acceptable as a boundary.
People often joke about me to me. Before I had a hard time understanding it was a joke, but now after years I have changed “so I can take a joke”. But in social situations there are often a lot of people in the same room making jokes about me, and laughing at me. It often happens, when a person usually cranks a joke, and then everyone keeps on doing it. They think it is funny because they like my reaction and how defensive I get. When it usually happens, my head gets stressed. Everywhere I look is it as people are laughing at me and making fun of me. In these situations I get so stressed I don’t even know what I am saying anymore and everything gets foggy. My friends know I have issues about this, but they keep on doing it. Days, and sometimes weeks after, I can feel my mental health and self confidence is struggling.
I have put a lot of boundaries up to people when this happens, but they keep on not respecting it. So therefore I feel as though I have put up an unreasonable boundary. People tell me, when I seek for advice, that I should change the way I respond, I am overreacting, or I am too sensitive. But everytkme it happens, I feel so drained, sad and disappointed afterwards.
Therefore I seek some outside advice, because I dont know what I should do anymore. Is my boundary too unreasonable? Do I try and take a deep dive in my issues, and change the way I respond when these situations happens? Am I too sensitive?
4 comments
Very too sensitive.
People who can’t respect boundaries aren’t your friends. You are sensitive, but that’s not necessarily a bad thing. Find similar minded people and you’ll feel a lot less stressed.
depends how close you are with them
and also what the joke is
can’t really tell if ur too sensitive or not
They are not friends, they sound like bullies. Friends would respect your boundaries. They would stop those stupid jokes knowing they make you feel bad.
Having said that, it is also correct that if you manage to change your reaction, if you manage to show them you don’t care about their jokes, they can’t get to you, they will eventually get bored and the jokes will stop.
In order to achieve that, you need to train your confidence. Tell yourself every day that you are okay the way you are. Look in the mirror and like what you see (practise liking yourself). Tell yourself that you deserve love and respect like everyone else, and especially you deserve to be loved by yourself and to respect yourself which may include staying away from „friends“ who won’t stop teasing you when you tell them to stop.
Be kind to yourself. Stop all the negative self-talk, and whenever a negative thought about yourself comes into your mind, turn it into encouragement.