Situation is as strange as the title suggests.
I (25F) am the youngest among four kids (32M, 31F, 30F). My parents (77M and 65F) had my older siblings one after another, then had me after kind of a big gap.
We grew up pretty well off where we were able to have maids around the house, so from a young age we had people taking care of us while our parents were busy with work (they’re both doctors). When my siblings got older, two of them (32M and 30F) had to get a dorm far away from our house for university and would only come back every weekend or so. The area they lived wasn’t the best, but they were allowed to be on their own. They stayed in their dorm up until they graduated medical school. My other sister (31F) had to get a condo far away too because of law school. She lived in a nicer area, but was allowed to be on her own. I was the only one that really stayed home with our parents because my university for both my bachelor’s and masters degree was a 15 minute car ride away.
At 25, however, I’m still being treated like a child. I’m not allowed to be left home alone (we don’t have maids anymore because of the pandemic), which makes things pretty hard for everyone. I can’t stay out later than 10pm. If I go out with friends my mom insists on being the one to pick me up. Im not even allowed to ride Ubers by myself (which I did countless times in secret in University). I’m not even allowed to drive (I have license and know how, but it may be attributed to me now being considered a PWD for a visual disability. But it can be corrected with glasses)
I don’t understand what more I need to do to show them I’m an adult, when:
A) I’m the only one among my siblings that actually cooks
B) I have a managerial role in my day job
C) I’m the payment channel for our house’s bills
D) I’m the one that pays for my brother’s bills
E) I’m the technology expert / art expert / basically I’m the go to for all the odd jobs around the house
F) I’m the only one among my siblings that actually cleans the house
G) I’m helping my sister pay for a whole car
H) I have my own investing portfolio while my siblings don’t even have savings
I) I pay for our family subscriptions
J) I manage my mom’s finances
My siblings joke that it’s because of the way I look with my baby face and me being shorter (they’re all 5 foot 9 to 6 feet tall. I am 5 foot 3).
It’s really getting so frustrating. I don’t know what more to do. I’m 25!
tldr: I want to know how to convince my family I’m an adult even though I’m already doing “adult” things but don’t know what more I can do!
7 comments
Turn off the money faucet and move out.
You have to ignore them and just start doing things. Stay out past ten, catch an uber, get those glasses and get a car (get some refresher driving sessions if needed). There comes a point when you are being complicit in them treating you like a child. When possible you need to move out.
What is keeping you from moving out on your own? You are an adult, and it seems like the living situation is the main thing holding you back.
By becoming independent. Move out and look after yourself/stop handling your family’s finances and paying bills. Focus on your own life.
Fire me a DM, I’d like to chat
You need to move out. This situation isn’t healthy for anyone. Your parents will survive without you as their pet. You deserve to be able to live an adult life like the rest of your siblings. Stop giving in to the crying and guilt tripping, you’re a grown adult and you don’t have to obey every whim of theirs.
Just do the things. You’re 25. The only reason you’re being treated like a child is because you keep letting it happen