Embarrassing post, but it needs to be said. I work just across the hall from a woman who I’m just (to be very honest) incredibly attracted to. I don’t want to be, but it’s there. She’s a few years younger than me, single, exactly my type, and meets basically all the criteria I’m looking for in a partner. It’s an intense physical attraction, but also an emotional and romantic one. I had the unfortunate experience of seeing her on a dating app (which I promptly swiped left on to avoid conflict/awkwardness). I think it’s quite clear that she does not see me in the same way, which makes it more difficult to see her each day. Even if she did reciprocate feelings, the fact that we work together, and in the same department, would be a hindrance. I think my best option is to just let it go, but I’m struggling with seeing her everyday and not being bothered by the feelings of attraction, and also her disinterest in me (at least what I perceive to be disinterest). For what it’s worth, I keep a professional attitude with her and have never tried to hit on her or engage in anything more than friendly workplace conversation. It might be an age-old unanswered question, but how can I just lose these feelings?
26 comments
Find someone else to obsess about.
Just thinking about how awkward would be to go back to work if things go wrong and you hear people talking about it behind your back.
We don’t shit where we eat, Johny
Oh, that’s easy. You say nothing to anyone about it. Eventually, it subsides to a dull background noise. Then when one of you inevitably leaves the company, thoughts of what could have been will hit you in unguarded moments and dreams. You’ll wonder about her for the rest of your life. Fun! Totally normal!
You have a workplace crush; it happens. If you figure out the answer to being able to turn your feelings off voluntarily, let me know. I’ll bottle that shit and make a fortune.
Did you say you’re on a dating app??? It sounds like you’re already “looking,” whether you’d really want to admit it or not. It may be time to figure out why.
YES, JUST LET IT GO.
YOU don’t shit where you eat!!
no matter how it goes its bad, it will have an impact on not just the two of you but others at the office.
So be a man and a professional. I have no desire to sugarcoat this, sack up buddy, and look elsewhere.
its ok to feel that way. just keep it professional at work and don’t act on it. if shes interested, shell make it clear. if not, do not do anything and just enjoy the feeling of having a crush.
Might one day be love. Maybe she feels the same way.
Id long burn that shit, think jim and pam long burn.
Might work out
“Oh Mindy, you came and you gave without taking, but I bought you Ben-gay, Oh Andy”
🗣️**Fuck her OP** just once, then you’ll let it go
You shoulda swiped right now you’ll never know if she did
I know how hard it is man.
I’m kinda going through the same thing with a dude I work with… but it’s almost harder… because he’s actually super friendly to me and wants to hangout so we end up talking a lot.
I ‘shat where I ate’ once. Now I’m engaged to the love of my life. Didn’t even see it coming. Getting married early 2024. Go figure.
I got a hot coworker as well. I just keep it professional and thats it.
Ask her out, you chicken.
Bawk bawk bawk
Imagine them doing something gross every time you think about them, but tread carefully or you may inadvertently cultivate a disturbing paraphilia.
Do you guys share eye contact. Can it get awkward? Do you catch her looking at you?
*Serious Answer:*
The feelings will subside in time. As long as you don’t EVER try to act on it or tell anyone about it. It will lessen with time. I’m speaking from experience. I worked next to her for almost a year.
*Ridiculous answer:*
Imagine that she takes a dump in front of you and then rolls around in it.
That should take care of it!
You have two options. Remain friends or ask her out get rejected and it will be awkward. This should help with your feelings because once she says no then you really know 100% for sure it isn’t happening.
Depending on your job marketability, I’d go for it.
Plenty of people meet their spouses at work. You just have to be willing to leave the company if it goes bad/well.
I worked with an older woman I liked once, she wasn’t remotely interested in me.
I decided to shoot my shot at an office party and she turned me down.
We’ve been together over 25 years now. Sometimes you just need to plant that seed and people start to think of you differently.
Emotions are irrational. You can’t control them. You can control your response to them. You don’t need to act on every feeling, regardless of strength. You know this, and part of the reason you posted here is on some level you’re hoping someone will say “It worked for me, go for it bro!”.
You can’t ‘just lose’ attraction to someone, you didn’t exactly choose it in the first place. Just continue to act as professional as possible and try to find someone else you like.
Just quit and become a normal stalker…..
Do NOT date co-workers. It is just too dangerous for your career. You have to learn how to mentally focus on things other than her. It is almost a form of meditation.
Also, go to the gym and work out.