Hi Guys,
Long time lurker, first time poster. I have been with my wife (we’re both females) for 9 years now. I want to start with, I
am 150% committed to her and our 3 children (all under 4yrs of age)
She’s an amazing mom, hard worker, funny, creative, clever. My point is here, I am not lacking in almost every department.
However, I am naturally a very affectionate person, I find intimacy to be very important in how I express and recieve love from my partner. Most importantly, it strongly contributes to my own self worth and feeling of fulfillment. It is the strongest component of how I feel fulfilled (lots of family burden here to discuss as to why). She is the exact opposite. She prefers time spent together, which we do constantly. My wife is not wanting, just me.
I have expressed my need/want for more intimacy, over and over. She was at first accepting and then as things have progressed she’s become more defiant in what she’s comfortable with (we have small children, she’s tired, it’s not a priority).
I have done everything I can to lighten her load with our kids and life in general, thinking it will help. I have attempted to woo her, at home, in hotels, etc. she swears up and down she’s attracted to me, she’s just not interested in prioritizing sex.
Lately I have been thinking about finding an escort, just to fulfill my need for physical intimacy….so I can continue on.
To be clear, we have not had sex in over a year. This is not a “it’s not enough” situation.
TL;DR So my question is….would I be horrible to seek out that physical intimacy from someone else to help myself feel satiated?? Basically an escort. While I’ve had opportunities to do something with other individuals (work, acquaintances etc.) I have not taken them because I have relationships with them that are not romantic (from my perspective ). I love my wife, I have every intent to stay with her. I’m not trying to form a bond. Literally looking for physical intimacy.
Please tell me what you think!
5 comments
I wouldn’t do anything behind her back, but raise the idea of seeing an escort to get your needs met. That might really get it across to her that you’re serious. And hey, maybe she’d be okay with that as an alternative? It might take some pressure off her.
Have you two discussed couple’s counseling?
>I am 150% committed to her and our 3 children (all under 4yrs of age)
So within the 150% is the possibility that you pay for sex behind her back? Bruh. lol
Did she gave birth to the youngest child?
You’ll have to discuss some form of open marriage before doing anything. Otherwise you’ll jeopardize everything you love and although it’s probably a tough conversation, a year w/o gives you every cover you need.
I would ask her if it’s not a priority for her in the short term, or long term. Such as, is she also frustrated that she’s never in the mood, or does she see her sex life as fulfilled and over. If she thinks it’s over, she may be willing to let you seek that elsewhere.
However I would challenge you to find an answer for yourself first. If “intimacy” is that important to you, don’t you think a physical bond will eventually turn into an emotional bond for you?
Your post seems so genuine and I’ll try to be genuine. Did you talk to your partner about this intimacy issue? I wouldn’t go the escort route, but I would tell her and even show her this post what you’ve been thinking about it because acts or actions don’t happen until they’ve been thought of for a while.
I think if you lied went behind her back and she found out then you would only be bitter and negative- not only did you not envision a break up, but this is a terrible break up. You will feel worried all the time, giving extra attention to her words to see if she knows. You’ll feel like trash regardless of how good the sex was, you won’t be able to sleep in peace. These are some of the consequences YOU will face.