My bf (M26) and I (F26) had a LDR for almost 5 yrs, we broke up a few days ago but we still keep in touch and are friends since there was not any bad blood or negative feelings aside the hurt of the relationship dying abrutly.
We were serious and didn’t want the relationship being virtual forever, so were actually planning on moving in together with him coming to my country.
I was as good as you can be in this type of situations (knew this was going to happen so it didnt hurt as much but I still cried a lot that day and the following week, and now from time to time) until I learnt he is already trying to get with someone else.
It hurt me deeply and im still crying, but I don’t wamt to feel hurt and used anymore. I have so anger that I fear I would lash out at people close to me.
How do I love on from feeling hurt and use? Should I talk to someone?
Some friends did told me I look more tired, and noticed I lost interest in certain things after the break up.
I just want to go back and being me and improve myself? I just feel like an idiot for not listening to otjers saying LDR is a bad idea ..
PD: sorry for any errors, can’t find my glasses and I’m using grammarly to proof read.
TLDR: Found out ex has been trying to get with another girl barely after 2 weeks of our break up and I feel extremely hurt, angry, and used.
Edit: gender and some grammar.
4 comments
Time and distraction will get you feeling better and moving on. It’s okay to feel very hurt in these early moments. You can talk to a professional if you want. You could also just process it slowly in your own way.
> How do I love on from feeling hurt and use? Should I talk to someone?
If there is a friend or family member you trust to keep your private feelings private, and who would be willing to listen, that would be someone to talk to. If you have (or can afford) a counselor or therapist, that would also be an option. If neither of those is realistic, then one thing you could do would be to write a letter to him, and talk about *everything* you are feeling…and then never send it; burn it, shred it, bury it, anything that takes the words from your heart and gets them away from you.
You have to verbalize what you are feeling *somehow*, because as long as you hold it inside of you, it’s abstract and formless, so you can’t define it and cannot apply boundaries to it. Thinking about it enough to form it into words will make it *concrete*, will make it *real*, will give it edges and boundaries and limits, and *that* will help you to then move on from it.
> I just want to go back and being me and improve myself?
That’s a good plan. The first step in that is in giving yourself the catharsis that speaking or writing about what you are feeling will give you.
> I just feel like an idiot for not listening to otjers saying LDR is a bad idea ..
A long-distance relationship *is* a bad idea…for some people. For others, it’s not workable. And the only way to find out which sort of person or couple you are is to *try* it.
Don’t feel stupid for this. Before, you didn’t know whether you were long-distance capable. Now you know that you are *not*, which means that you *learned* something through all of this.
No arrow fired at a target is ever wasted; if you learned something, then even the *misses* make you a better archer.
Express what you need to express, in whichever way makes the most sense, refocus your energies on your own self-improvement and self-respect, and do not forget the lessons that this failed relationship taught you.
That’s the path toward healing.
You are not nor will you ever be just friends, block him and move on. What he did was gross and in bad taste but he’s single and can do what he wants. He’s probably been emotionally preparing himself for the breakup for a while. This is why you can’t be friends, do you really want to hear about him going on dates? Because that’s what friends do. Block him and you will be much much happier and emotionally better off. Focus on your friendships, go have fun, dress in outfits that make you feel good, it’ll get better in time.
Do not keep in touch. Do not stay friends. *Really* move on with your life. What he does from now on is none of your business and is not your concern.
After that, it just takes time. If you are able to, seeing a therapist or counselor is a great idea.