I think she is losing interest or desire, not sure. She used to have a little more drive than me, then I got shit lined out in my own life with fitness and diet, etc…. I have wanted her quite a bit lately the last few months. She has backed off, way off….doesn’t initiate ever. We were doing anal play, more long fucking, foreplay, and it has stopped. The rejection and the games are getting to be too much and I am ready to quit. What am I missing? Can’t live like this. We have talked about it and I have brought it up a few times in the last few months, But I’m not going to beg or pressure or continue to pursue when there are excuses and rejection 90% of the time. Any input is appreciated.
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If I am interpreting correctly, you got fitter and she didn’t? She may be projecting feelings of insecurity onto you. Is she feeling good about herself?
This is one of the biggest signs of cheating. Not saying she is, but there’s something going on bud.
How old are you guys? Kids?
This is a common post marriage dead bedroom syndrome. Most couples suffer from it. As the relationship gets old, couples loose the spark and excitement. Also with age our sex drive goes down.
I know u said uve talked about it, but does she know ur prepared to walk over this? Also, have u identified any commonality in her excuses? (Like stress from work, etc). Have u tried anything like scheduling a “date night”?
I only ask these things because the better u understand the situation, the more likely u can recover from and improve it. And as others have posted, it’s possible it’s too far gone, but this is part of the “relationships take work”. I assume ur asking this because u would rather have things improve. I think it’s worth writing down ur thoughts, and approaching her outside of a sexual setting (ie: on a day u haven’t made a move or been rejected yet). Express urself in terms of feelings and needs (“it makes me feel unwanted when…” and “intimacy isn’t just a thing we do, it’s a need of mine”, etc). Offer a middle ground like every 2nd Saturday we put time aside to bang, and *ideally* the pace will pick up.
This comes up every now and again in my relationships. It’s usually an outside factor like work stress or family problems. Last time it did, we tried scheduling and it actually took a lot of the pressure off until we got our groove back. I just think it’s important to talk to ur partner like a partner, and with effort on both ends these things can be worked out.
Good luck dude
Edit: grammar
Maybe focus on how you’re communicating that you want to have sex with her next time you bring it up, instead of saying like I’m horny and I don’t feel satisfied, maybe tell her you miss having that intimacy with her, you love her body and you love making her feel good and you can’t stop fantasising about making her cum or something.
u/ringthebellsthatcan has a good point there, tbh that happened me & my bf and I was a bit insecure that he got into shape and I didn’t, and it did affect our sex life. I was nervous to be naked around him tbh but he told me, quote lol, “you’re depriving me of one of the greatest joys life has to offer, seeing your lover completely naked” and tbh that was all the reassurance I needed. If this is the case, from personal experience just make sure you are really telling her every 5 minutes that she’s so gorgeous and sexy and you love her body and she makes you so horny etc etc. If it is just insecurities, she’ll come around
I wonder if you not having much of a drive made her feel that she didn’t ‘have to’ have sex with you, so she wasn’t ever feeling pressured and therefore was relaxed enough to want to.
Now that your libido is ramped up, she’s feeling pressured and like she can’t keep up – that you now only want sex from her instead of intimacy.. she’s feeling used instead of cared for.