Update. I (M22) broke up with her (F24)

Well. Things went even worse than I expected.

I confronted her about it. (I took D’s advice on how to do it) I Asked her “ I heard something worrying from D about you. What do you think of D? How have you viewed him during the time you’ve known him”

She clearly started to internally panic. But responded by telling me she had no idea what I was talking about and that she has “always” seen D as “a very close friend” while trying to keep the guise of being calm.

I was expecting her to lie again. I planned to make my decision on whether I’d break up depend on whether she would tell the truth willingly or I’d be forced to show evidence. That’s why I approached her that way. So I took out my phone and showed her the messages with D (and the other friend who backed up D’s version of events).

Only then did she finally crack and admit that D was her ex. I just waited silently as she tried to justify it. Her main points were that she “wanted to forget” about having dated him so they could be friends without having it on the mind and “not wanting to cause drama” between him and myself or risk having me tell her to cut ties with him (I wouldn’t have done that if he confirmed that he did not have any feelings for her anymore and that nothing was going on between them). She then hugged me and started begging me trying to coax me into calming down and forgiving her. She asked me to go into bed and cuddle with her so we could “talk things out calmly”.

Honestly though. Nothing she said or did could make me change my mind. I gave her a chance to come clean and she still continued the lie all the way until I showed evidence. I have no reason to trust her “promises” she is making when she has been lying to me for 2 damn years. I told her we were done and I intend to leave.

Once it became clear begging wouldn’t work, She started to try to gaslight me by saying things like “See. This is why I didn’t tell you. I knew you’d react like this”. Completely distorting the fact that this is about her lying about it, not actually about her having had an ex. Her doing this basically confirmed to me mentally that I was making the right decision and that I shouldn’t feel much sympathy for her either. After she started doing this I told her I don’t even want to be friends or ever see or hear from her again (I had at first not intended to cut her out of my life entirely if she wanted to remain friends, but that’s gone now). It basically confirmed to me that this probably wasn’t an “innocent” lie as some redditors suggested it may have been.

D and the other friend (i mentioned in the original post that she confirmed his account of things) have agreed that we want to remain friends with each other and they have been very supportive of me. Although they’re undecided on whether to remain friends with my now ex (they’re pretty disgusted that she tried to gaslight me instead of taking responsibility for it). Honestly it’s not my decision and I hardly care. They warned me though that she may try to rope me back in for the next few months as she apparently tried to get back with D for a while when their relationship first ended as D was the one who broke up with her, which frankly gives me even more of a red flag about how she may still have or at least had lingering feelings for him even after we started dating. Perhaps that’s why she lied. Then again it hardly matters now, after how she tried to gaslight me and blame me for it I don’t give a shit what her original reason was anymore.

I don’t know who within the rest of the friend group I’ll stay friends with. But D, myself, and the other friend are worried my now ex may turn this into a big drama among their friend group which could end up breaking it. I’d feel bad if that happened, so just have to hope it doesn’t.

This hurts a lot. Especially since I had planned to at least remain friends or on good terms going in to this (or maybe even staying together if she had told the truth without me forcing it out). But it hurts less than it would if I let this go and end up being lied to again. And her trying to gaslight me now and put the blame on me instead of admitting that she was being a bad partner and was morally wrong for doing it only makes me more confident about my choice and has caused me to lose all the sympathy for her I had at first. It’s clear to me now that she doesn’t feel any genuine remorse for what she did and that she only regrets it now because it ended up biting her in the ass (regret and remorse are not the same thing). She probably would have never told me at all if I didn’t learn it from D.

Original post https://www.reddit.com/r/relationships/comments/11ilx2d/one_of_my_m22_girlfriends_f24_friends_she/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=ios_app&utm_name=iossmf

TLDR: broke up with my girlfriend after she lied for 2 years about never having dated before. Things went even worse than I expected.