I work with a woman who frequently tries to synchronise with the people speaking around her, including myself. It’s both incredibly frustrating and fascinating at the same time.
She’s a lovely woman, very kind and pleasant. But this thing that she does can be quite off putting when I’m trying to speak to her or other people around us.
It’s like she figures out what I’m saying and chimes in to finish my sentences with me. Kind of like how some of those identical twins speak in unison. She’s not trying to speak over me I think, but I just can’t wrap my head around why she does it. I can’t find anything online, and I really want to understand better so that I feel less frustrated when she does it.
We aren’t particularly close, and I don’t feel comfortable bringing it up with her directly. I haven’t spoken to any coworkers about it either. I’m not wanting to make fun of her or make her feel embarrassed, I just want to understand.
Has anyone ever come across this with other people? Any idea where the behaviour comes from?
6 comments
I get that you wouldn’t want to call her out in front of others nor make her embarrassed, but the only way to understand is to ask her.
Maybe invite her for drinks after work, and once she opens a bit about herself, discuss this weird habit and just say it has made you a bit uncomfortable…
If you don’t, chances are she will continue until you explode in anger. So do yourself a favor.
i don’t get what the big deal is, it’s just the person trying to empathise and be on the frequency as you during conversation
This kinda sounds like a Seinfeld episode. It sounds like she’s doing a form of mirroring where you mirror the position and posture of the person to whom you’re talking to establish rapport.
Just for fun, I thought of that old Sesame Street scene between Kermit and a little girl singing the alphabet. The thought crossed my mind of you singing A through F and stopping to see if she finishes that line with “G” or “Cookie Monster.”
I wrote this not to offer a suggestion, just for comic relief which we could all use now and then.
I do realize that I’m dating myself a bit, as that episode is so old that girl would have to be in her 50s by now or very soon.
Ugh, I do this, and I have to work to stop myself. Basically, maintaining attention can be difficult for me. As an example, I often catch myself deep in my thoughts while having a direct conversation, meaning I’ve likely missed important information. Thus when I’m trying to be deeply attentive and focused on the speaker, I use finishing their statement as a signaling device that I’m wholly engrossed in what they’re saying. Believe me, I know it does not impart my involvement and is weird at best and obnoxious at worst. I don’t know if your coworker has the same issue, but I hope this helps add perspective.
Are they overconfident or maybe insecure?