I sometimes overreact to small things that don’t really have any real impact to myself. This can happen at work when someone makes a mistake resulting in additional remediation to correct. I don’t know why it bothers me so much but it does. Even more problematic is how I act when people I really love and care for make what I perceive to be a mistake, could be a sloppy parking job, forgotten/misplaced items resulting in a delay of some kind, clothes left in the washer etc, really small stuff that shouldn’t matter. I can be quite critical in the moment. It’s only later I empathize and realize that we’re all just doing the best we can with what we have to work with.
I am an asshole, I don’t know how to fix myself. I’ve been working with a therapist and do a little better since I’ve been on trazodone, venlafaxine and gabapentin. I just want to be a good person, and I’m not. It’s making me feel like I’m completely useless outside of my labors to the company I work for.
Just looking for some mindfulness exercises or some advice from others who might have had some similar issues, or maybe a suggestion for better anxiety medication. I really don’t know, I’m in the weeds right now.
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I used to be like that because I mistake control with boundaries.
I grew up emotionally abandoned in a family of seven as the oldest child. The only way I can have *anything* for me, whether it’s time, space, or even things, for the first twenty years of my life is by making strict schedule because I had to take care of everyone’s business.
This led me to think that control, planning, and/or doing things “correctly” as boundaries that make me feel safe, when in reality I can only control so much.
Would you say it’s the same case with you?
When I find myself getting disproportionately wound up about little mistakes, it’s usually a sign that I need more low-intensity chillout time. Youtube videos by Jason Stephenson or autism meltdown recovery animations work for me. Or just passively staring out the window for 20 mins and watching the clouds roll by.
I’ve noticed that over time I’ve worked on shrinking my ego and this has made me much more chill and a lot less sensitive. Meditation is really helpful too.