\*\*TW: self-harm\*\*
I am struggling with what I can/should do to help my friend who has social anxiety and depression. I have invited him out to social events with my other friends with mixed results. I think he’s given up meeting friends on his own, and other than me and one other person he doesn’t really socialize, he just sits in his room and plays games and watches youtube all day. He also lives far away from both of us, which doesn’t help. I’ve given him suggestions for ways to meet other people. He’s also been focusing on his health lately and I try to give him positive reinforcement, and I don’t criticize him if he slips up. He was severely depressed before I met him and considered suicide, but when I met him he was recovering and doing better. I want to find the balance between not trying to “fix” him, but also being a supportive friend and helping him get out of his comfort zone.
But I’m trying to figure out what the appropriate level of help I should give to him is. I don’t want to force him into a stressful situation or make it seem like I’m trying to change him to fit my image of what he should be, but he also tells me A LOT about how he’s frustrated with not being able to talk to people and make connections. And I’ll give him advice but he basically ignores everything I say and gives excuses. Whenever I meet with him we usually talk about our shared hobby interests, and he’ll share his emotional baggage, but he also has a hard time meeting me halfway and doesn’t really seem concerned with my own problems when I share things with him.
It feels like I’m his only outlet, so there isn’t a give and take that you’d normally expect in a friendship, more like I’m his therapist. This can be really frustrating for me, but I’m also not trying to quit being friends with him because I do genuinely like him and enjoy spending time with him. But I don’t want, nor am I qualified, to be anyone’s therapist. I’m not sure what to do. I just get frustrated hearing about the same problems every time we hang out. It’s a huge emotional drain for me if we spend a long time hanging out together.
I’ve also gone through depression and I know I should look out for myself first, and not take on all of his emotional baggage on my shoulders too. I need some advice on what is the appropriate amount of help to give to him, because I’m kind of lost right now.