So me and my bf have only been together 6 months. We clicked basically instantly and really have fallen in love to the point our relationship is almost cinematic. He stays over a lot, we’re both artists and I’ve set up a studio for us in my house…he’s moving all his art stuff into my house and he’s offered money a few times but the topic just feels awkward.
Like would it be bad of me to take some money to help with rent if he technically doesn’t live here? I don’t know, it’s just hard to work out, but at the same time, he’s here almost every night and I’ve been paying the rent, gas and everything. I don’t know.
TLDR: at what point do I ask him to start paying rent
6 comments
If he’s going to be over all the time, better to set a rent schedule than say “pay me whenever” if you do start accepting it. That way you don’t start depending on it in some way and he randomly stops
I would never ask someone to pay my rent unless they actually lived with me. If it’s an issue that he’s storing too much stuff there then I would let him pay you for the storage.
Did he ask you to set up a studio for him?
Are you saving him money from a studio elsewhere? Will he essentially be working from your home> Or are you just giving him a corner in your established space?
Is he living with you full time or does he rent his own space? Is he paying part of the utilities? Does he contribute to groceries? Does he have his own key?
Have the conversation, especially since he has offered (props to him for doing that -he sounds great!). Yes, it’s awkward, but I guarantee it will be a lot more awkward in the future when you really begin to notice the additional financial ‘burden’ (for lack of better words) of having a second person using gas, electric, water, food etc. and then you have no choice but to bring it up.
It doesn’t have to be a strict / official thing at this stage either- i get that taking cash can feel awkward, so maybe for now you can just discuss things he could do to just take the pressure off a bit. E.g. taking the initiative in paying for general costs that arise such as groceries, take out, equipment or a subscription you both use, gas etc. And when things become more solid and he officially moves in, you can revisit the agreement to make the heavier things like rent and bills officially 50/50.
If you don’t want to ask, you can let him lead the conversation and find out what he’d like to contribute – if he offers too much, you can then say what you feel would be more reasonable at this stage. And In the unlikely event that you feel it’s not enough, you can accept and maybe suggest “seeing how it goes” and revisiting the conversation/ agreement sometime in the near future when he (following this conversation) should have naturally developed a heightened awareness of what things are actually costing.
TL;DR: You’re both adults, he’s offered because he knows shit costs money. Work though the awkwardness, have the conversation, and discuss what he’s willing to contribute. Otherwise, it will likely create issues in future.