I (22M) need help with my boyfriend (22M). We have been together for six months, which isn’t very long but I love him and he loves me. We only recently said that we love each other a month ago. If things go good, I am dead set on marrying this boy.
For context he has schizophrenia, bi-polar disorder, depression, and autism. I have three anxiety disorders, autism, and depression. My boyfriend, let’s call him Jay, has had multiple episodes of anxiety, and between you and I, I wouldn’t be surprised if Jay had some kind of anxiety disorder too.
The only person that Jay hasn’t mention abusing him is his grandpa, who died several years ago. His mom, sisters, brothers, adopted brothers, dad, grandma, you name it. I am also his first real relationship. I am his first everything so far.
He has been homeless, kicked out, sent to rehabilitation centers, state homes, mental hospitals, again, you name it. He’s only been arrested when he stayed at a friend’s house because his grandmother kicked him out. Long story short, CPS paid a surprise visit only for granny to realize they would cuff her for kicking out a 13 y.o. after adopting him so she pretended to be surprised that he wasn’t in his room and etc. etc.
Anyway last month he had to move in with my grandparents and I because his house (that Jay shared with his mother and one of his sisters) burned down. His sister found a place and so did his mother, but left him out to dry.
On to the problem, my family is dysfunctional, but we are trying here. We are building a house for Jay. On the property so he feels safe and has space. But he still has panic attacks he says I am the first person to love him, aside from his grandpa, but he still won’t let me in. I know it is early, and I’m not expecting him to let me in everywhere in his mind, I just want to know how he is doing.
I just want an honest, open, and loving dialog between us. I don’t want out conversations to be just about how bad his life has been. I want him to let me in even by some small degree. Or the strength and the patience to wait Jay out to the end. I want this to work and I have no clue if anyone can actually help me. He keeps isolating himself.
Jay is a great man, he’s kind, smart, strong willed, and he is passionate. His face lights up whenever he talks about technology or cars. He has the best smile I have ever seen, but it’s so rare that I get to see the real smile. And he his handsome to boot! He is everything and more but he won’t let people in. I want to help him but I have no idea how.
TL;DR
My boyfriend has had a rough life, and I want to build a better one with him, but he won’t even honestly tell me how he is feeling. I need help. Any serious input is greatly appreciated.