So for some context I’ve been with my boyfriend for 4 years, him and his ex went out when they were 16 for 2 months.
I have met her and actually considered her a friend before this, she is part of a bigger friend group my boyfriend was a part of in school.
On Friday my boyfriend who we’ll call Tom text me asking if I was okay with him going out with his friends on Saturday night, I said that was fine because I didn’t want to come across as clingy but thought it was weird that he was asked to go out with everyone and I wasn’t.
Usually we would all go out and have a good time, we don’t really engage in PDA anyway so it’s never been a problem for us to go out with people and us being the only couple.
He double checked with me that I was okay with him going out and I explained that I thought it was weird but that it was fine and he should go out and have a good time, this is also when I found out he was going for pre drinks at his ex’s house (we’ll call her Leah) with another girl who he’s friends with from school so just him and these two girls at her house alone drinking.
He found out that the other girl who was going to be drinking with them was inviting a lot of people from her work so asked if he could invite me and a guy that he works with too?
The girl told him that it was up to Leah and wasn’t her call to make but that the guy he works with is more than welcome to come clubbing later, he text and asked Leah (I saw him send the text) but she never replied.
It got to 7 o’clock on Saturday night and Leah’s friend came and picked him up from his house, I waved them off and spent the night watching Netflix and drinking wine.
He text me a few times through the night but it got to 12-1am and his phone was low on battery so I text Leah asking if he was okay because his phone was low, all I got in response was ‘ehh?’
He came home at about 5-5:30 with a box of chicken and we talking a little bit and he got into bed with me and I went back to sleep, I should say this is normal for a night out as the clubs he was in close at 5-6 and he was drunk and pretty tired when he came home so we didn’t talk about anything properly. The next day he was hung over.
Now if we skip to today.
I went and had dinner with him after work and we had a nice time, when he drove me home and we pulled up a few metres from my front door he told me he had something to tell me.
It turns out that she had tried to kiss him, she is about 5”3-4 and he is 6” so without him bending down she wasn’t actually able to kiss him.
They were dancing as a group and he said it is a bit fuzzy because he was drunk but he said she tried to kiss him and he pulled away. After that he decided to come home to me and forgot about it, he remembered the next evening when he’d sobered up and spoke to a friend who also hadn’t gone out and asked for advice on what to do.
He said he had sent Leah a meme to try and make it clear that he was still talking to her and to break the ice incase she felt awkward but the message hadn’t gone through and nobody else had said anything so he has no idea if anybody saw.
He wasn’t sure whether to tell me or not because he doesn’t want things to be awkward and doesn’t want to throw away the friendships he has in that group and doesn’t want me to get angry or say anything to her or anyone else.
He did say that even though she didn’t actually kiss him he felt bad not telling me so decided to not keep it from me.
I don’t even know what to think right now, does anybody have and advice?
4 comments
Are you thinking this was planned or do you think it was due to alcohol?
he will need to make sure she understands this is not acceptable and also put distance from her in every part of his life.
She is not over him, and he put himself into this position. At the first sign of an issue, he should have addressed it and left. He didnt forget, he left because of it he said. He didnt tell you because he knew it would bother you.
Good on him for leaving after it, but he needs to worry less about the friend group feelings and more on basic communication with someone your in a relationship with.
This sounds like it was a set up by the ex to get him alone. I mean, why weren’t you invited if that isn’t the case?
Time for him to cut her off after he tells her what she did was unacceptable. He needs to make it clear that he’s not interested in her. Then block her.
As far as the group, he should tell them what she did, so she can’t spin things and say he tried to kiss her. He needs to avoid her as best as he can. No parties she’s hosting and stay away from her at other parties. Sounds like she’s not over him.