I have never had *bad* feedback, but I’ve only had sex with 4 men, all not that much better in bed than I am.
I straight up asked one of them I’m still friends with and he said “you were okay”. But couldn’t offer any constructive criticism.
I’m in my 30s and feel like I should have this down. But the truth is I’m so incredibly self conscious about the way I move, the way I give blow jobs, and what I do (or don’t do) with my hands.
I’m single and looking. For some reason, this is my biggest fear. Being bad in bed for the love of my life. I want to someday blow my man’s mind.
So, makes sex good? How can I get better at it?
And what makes a blow job a good one?
Thanks in advance!
11 comments
Intensity makes sex good..just wanton lust. Not the specific acts. Usually not something you get with casual sex. Gotta have some skin in the game.
The bets way to get good at anything is practice. There are ways to experiment and expand your skills mostly involving small movements like pelvic tilt when in PIV or developing a technique you both like giving oral, etc.
For me, it’s the emount of enthusiasm the girl shows when we’re doing stuff. Sex is physical, verbal, and emotional and if someone seems like they aren’t enjoying it, I certainly can’t. As for “being good” at sex, different people like different things and it’s all about finding what the person your with enjoys and doing that. I think too many people try the same things with different people without variation and that’s where a lot of disappointment can stem from, because you’re trying too hard to please someone in a way that doesn’t necessarily work for them. Communication is your best bet, especially in the beginning and as you get more comfortable. But don’t beat yourself up or feel like you’re not good enough. Everyone is different.
Wow, lame answer from your friend.
1. Enthusiasm
2. Chemistry (and style match)
3. Communication – you to him and him to you. This comes into play more during the long term but it’s important short term too. Obviously your friend is not a good communicator because “you were okay” is not helpful to anyone. In fact it’s mildly hurtful to you and not constructive.
4. Technical skill – ability to give BJs, HJs, knowledge and experience in various positions, etc…
I will say you can flip a lot of this on it’s head if you have great technical skill with regards to sex but all of the other stuff is still super important.
I’m assuming based on your post it’s this fourth area you’re interested in improving in.
I’d recommend some books, guides, or videos about how to improve the skills you want get better at in bed.
Even if you don’t remember everything you read or watch you will remember some stuff.
Basically touching in return to start with during fore play. Stroking, caressing, kissing, etc. Enthusiasm that you want him badly. An emotional connection adds even more to the mix. Do not be concerned about your touching, just go with the flow. During the main event, wrap your legs around his waist if possible. Use your arms to touch his upper body. Use your hips to meet his thrust. The best thing is to ask up front what are his likes and dislikes and you should share the same with him.
Things that my FWB does that seal the deal for me include lots of eye contact, especially when she’s telling me what feels good for her. Encouragement when I’m about to cum, just what she says takes me to another level. Using two hands on me, stroking not tugging. Being an active participant. I mean when I type it out, it all seems very straightforward but in my 40 years of having sex, just these simple things made all the difference.
>I’m so incredibly self conscious
Imo this would be a good place to look into. Insecurity causes a lot of problems in the bedroom. If you can get some therapy to explore the issues and find some situations where you can explore in a comfortable way then that would be great.
A person who comes into the room happy and confident to be naked who want’s to play a fun game is really well set up for great sex. A person who is super in their head, timid, shy, self conscious, closed, quiet, cold etc is really going to struggle no matter what they do physically.
It’s fine to open up and relax around sex. Work through some of the blocks around it. Maybe try and befriend some women who are super sexually open or join an online forum to talk about it more. You could do some erotic fiction writing or do some erotic roleplay online if you want some low risk ways of exploring. Jump in the pool and have fun.
To give useful advice, I would need to sample current actions…
Show enjoyment, have a sense of fun and don’t treat it like a test. You don’t need to be perfect.
For technical blow job skills I’d watch a bit of gay porn lol.
Losing your self-consciousness and being able to let go and enjoy yourself is at least half of it.
Hey Lovely,
I aim for sensual 🤍🤍
For me as a female, I have a lot of fun exploring different parts of my sexuality. One thing I take massive pride in is pleasing my man. Taking my time, going slow and ensuring he knows how obsessed I am with him and his cock.
Blow jobs and hand jobs are massively under rated. Most men are really sensitive on the top of their penis, I find they are also super visual. So looking up at him and giving a cheeky smile while you work away will make him super hard. Wearing naughty lingerie helps too x making him feel special and putting on a little show. Even a little whisper dirty talk ‘mm baby, you make me so wet/I want you to cream pie me so badly… etc’ is such a turn on. Effort is key ☺️ ☺️ He loves it.
I recommend looking up ‘magic muffins’ on pornhub for techniques on handies/blowies. I use the same techniques and my man goes WILD! It is all about the tease, edge him closer and take control! By the sounds of it, they will be very very lucky to have someone wanting to satisfy their needs the way you do!
Good luck Chica! Give is a little update later!