Hey all, I’m a bit torn on what to do with this situation as I don’t want to cause my gf to suddenly have more insecurity or get anxiety when I hang out with some of my current friends who are women.
Long story short a few of my past FWBs have transitioned into purely platonic friendships because of one thing or another like one of us getting into a relationship, etc.
I still hang out with some of them 1:1 like getting boba, going to food trucks, going to a movie, etc. and its truly just a friend hangout, nothing more. My gf says she is fine with it all, but I can sense a hint of hesitation every now and then. I understand as I would also feel the same way, but would trust her in the same situation. Its never caused any significant issues with the relationship, and everything is going amazingly well.
My hangup is whether or not to tell her that some of them were past FWBs. They all happened before I met her, and I am extremely loyal in my relationships. Part of me wants to tell her for full disclosure and transparency, but I don’t want it to then turn into her saying I can’t be friends with them anymore, or hangout with them 1:1. I don’t want to potentially lose her or friends over it all, or cause her crazy anxiety or insecurity while we hangout. All of that happened in the past.
What should I do?
TLDR:
Some of my friends I hang out with 1:1 used to be FWB, but are now strictly platonic. I’m not sure whether to tell my current GF as I don’t want her having unnecessary anxiety, insecurity, etc. or be forced to lose friendships over things that happened in the past. What should I do?
15 comments
As someone who’s still friends with a FWB, it’s better to tell them sooner rather than later. What happens if she finds out later? Then it’s going to come across like you’re hiding something.
Better to let your partner know everything that could come up.
No. There is no reason to other than to resolve some type of guilt on your end. I mean if you want to tell her about your past if she asks that’s different.
Yes 100% tell her because if she finds out years down the line, she will question your whole relationship and drive herself made think ya’ll was laughing at her behind her back about fucking eachother,
Just tell her, I want to be honest say you and blah blah use to hook up, nothing serious but it fizzled and you decided your better as friends, and that’s all you see eachother as now.
Yes, if you want her to remain your gf, she finds out herself and you’re done
How many of your other friends know about even one of them? Or them about each other. If the answer to this is more than zero then you already know the answer. Sorry kiddo but rightly or wrongly this is a deal breaker for lots of folks so you need to fess up and take the consequences. You also need to think hard whether your past is more important than your present and future because only those with zero insecurity are likely to accept this level of continuing contact.
Unpopular opinion here. You shouldn’t be hanging one on one with people you had sex with while in a committed relationship. That’s my boundary in relationships. Would she say the same? If she would, you have a big problem. I think a lot of reasonable women would hold the same views on this, and I can guarantee you hiding it from her isn’t going to make this any easier. That you have multiple friends you were FWB with makes it seem like you like to screw with your friends. Even more an issue hanging out one on one. See where this is going? If she’s cool with it when you tell her. Great. If she isn’t, you refusing to back down on hanging out with them isn’t going to go well.
Too late bro. Should have told her from the start. She’s gonna want you to cut them off. This is gonna be an issue in all future relationships.
you would trust your girl to hang out with a bunch of dudes she used to bang? Come on now. Its just not true. Shes clearly going to have an issue with it as would most…and by the sounds of things she already has an issue with you hanging out with girls in the first place. Wait until you tell her you used to bang them….lol. Good luck dude
If you’re in a relationship and still hanging around with people you fucked and calling them just friends, you’re an asshole and this is a recipe for disaster.
You should’ve told her from the very start. Now it’ll look like you’re hiding something. So yes, tell her ASAP.
I think not wanting your partner to hang out with people they used to fuck is a perfectly reasonable boundary. Bc it’s likely the only reason you stopped fucking is bc you got into relationships, and if you both left those relationships, you’d probably start having sex again. The attraction/flirtation/sexual past lingers in the background and that’s not a dynamic I’m comfortable with my partner having with friends.
Of course it’s up to you and your gf to decide whether that’s a boundary, but you’re not even giving her the opportunity to make an informed decision.
am i the only one who wouldnt care lol human relationships are complex 😭 i wouldnt ask someone to drop all their friends cause at one point they fooled around. sometimes ppl are jusy meant to be friends and not partners and thats okay but then to cut them all off later??? i agree it should be told tho incase she gets told by someone else later. her view on it is her own tho im just like 💀 its never this serious 🫡
It’s not appropriate to hang out 1:1 with people you’ve had a sexual relationship with when you’re in a relationship. Especially if your partner isn’t aware of this
This is why you don’t sleep with friends you intend on keeping around. If she had a position of I am uncomfortable with you being close with people you slept with or sleep with when single, she would be in the majority. If she had a group of guy friends that she had slept with would you be okay with her spending 1:1 time with them?
It very sort of selfish to hang out and go on one on one dates with you ex FWB whilst in a committed relationship- you say you’d be totally cool with it if the shoe were in the other foot but really… WOULD YOU?? I highly doubt it. Its very disrespectful to your partner to leave her to hang out alone with people you’ve shagged- the message is that these other are people are more important than the person you’re so “committed” to- which ironically is the opposite of commitment.
Definitely tell them dude. Honesty is the best policy. If she were in your shoes, wouldn’t you like that kind of honesty? If the relationship is solid, things will work out. The best relationships are the ones where you can not only be yourself but be honest too. Anything else is just something that just exists as a result of pretending to be something else