Multidating and avoidant tendency

Hi all, I wanted to share a reflection that I made today which may be helpful to others.

The general advice in our modern “US-style” dating culture (I live in Europe) is to always talk, meet and possibly date as many people as possible to avoid getting too invested in one person prematurely. I understand the rational behind that idea, but I don’t think it works for people with an avoidant tendency like me. Hear me out!

When you have an avoidant tendency, you don’t need any help to get less invested/ attached, you already keep people at arm’s length instinctively! On the contrary, you need to focus on allowing yourself to hold space for a potential connection to develop.

In my experience, the best way for that to happen is to talk and go out with fewer men (2/3 people at any given time max, ideally even less) and to stop meeting new people as soon as you meet a person who catches your attention, so you can give a fair shot to that connection. If things don’t work out, back to swiping.

I feel like for me talking and meeting a bunch of men at the same time reinforced my avoidant tendency and never allowed me to get invested in anyone.

I understand how the general advice might work for people who get invested too often and too quickly, but avoidants have the opposite problem!

Any thoughts?