Basically what the title says.
I’ve been talking to this guy who’s from a nearby city for about a month and a half now – we have many things in common – same music taste, same style, a love for the macabre etc. We haven’t met face to face yet but I know people from his circle who say many great things about him and we’ve also made it pretty clear to each other that the feeling is mutual.
However he’s very socially awkward and can’t keep a conversation going even though he texts me first roughly 7 out of 10 times. It usually starts with him sending me a meme, me responding with a sentence followed by another meme and him only hearting my message after typing and deleting for what’s about 1 or 2 minutes on average. Sometimes though he’ll get the courage and flirt with me, for example by making the “wife material” joke whenever I say something very niche we both like. He hearts all the stories I post of myself, of the music I listen to or when I talk about something I’m looking forward to. He sends me song recommendations, has dedicated one to me and subtly gives hints about how he thinks we complement each other very well. Once he called me cute after I told him I accidentally fell asleep while texting and woke up with my phone on my face. He’s said “aww” to things I’ve done. He’s made jokes about “needing my ring size for future reference”. You get the drill, cutesy childish stuff.
To summarize, this isn’t me trying to get him to flirt – it’s just my attempt at helping him ease his awkwardness and subliminally get rid of his fear so that he can actually communicate with me because I really want to get to know him better (the real him, minus all the anxiety). I’m starting to get the feeling he’s never had a girlfriend before or even any experience for that matter, which is completely okay – many people don’t. I, on the other hand, can talk to and/or entertain anyone with ease and absolutely no holding back, as well as lead the conversation anytime – which I think is part of the reason he’s iffy about “messing something up”.
How do I get him to be less intimidated?
Keep in mind, being upfront is my last resort option because I’ve tried easing into it and I could feel it scared him a bit.
TL;DR:
Crush is intimidated by me and he can’t keep a conversation going due to that. How do I get him to be less anxious?
6 comments
*I, on the other hand, can talk to and/or entertain anyone with ease and absolutely no holding back, as well as lead the conversation anytime*
What’s stopping you from doing the same with him? Just tell him what you want like an adult.
Anxiety is fear of the unknown. What does he not know that’s making him nervous with you? Maybe clearing the air a bit and communicating could help ease the situation for both of you
It sucks you gotta take the reins but I’m glad he initiates some things with you. I’m sure after this hurdle it’ll be more of a give and take
You haven’t even met face to face yet, and he’s joking around about “wife material”. Moving a bit fast, don’t you think?
He’ll get a bit less anxious once you actually meet each other. Until then, he’s a random encounter via text messages.
Maybe it’s okay for him to be intimidated.
You’re young, he’s shy, you haven’t even met in person. He’s nervous. He’ll ask you out, or he won’t; you can ask him out, if you want. Nerves and self-consciousness just come with the territory. It’s okay to let him feel feelings that are uncomfortable, and learn to manage them himself. That’s how you grow up. If he’s unable to make a move of his own *and* would be scared off if you made any move yourself, then maybe it’s okay if nothing happens. He’s a potential boyfriend, not a skittish horse.
im not trying to be rude, but honestly, you probably dont intimated him.
what about you do you think intimadates him. have you competed in the olympics? did you finish your bs in university before you finished highschool? have you been on the cover of a national magazine? have you started a mulit million dollar company?
if you cant awnser yes, or almost hes not intimidated by you. look your 18, by the odds your between a 4 and 6 on a scale of 1 to 10. have you graduated highschool yet?
my best bet,hes 20, hes heard stories about his buddys cousins best freinds sister who lied about her age now hes in prison with bubba and a sex offender. or hes just an intravert.
I doubt he’s intimidated, unless it’s by life in general.
Why are you taking on the work of helping a stranger improve his communication skills or become less awkward? Stop doing that.