So I (24F) met someone (25M) on a dating site I want to say a little over a month now. We hit it off on our first date, our conversations were amazing, he made me laugh so much … it was greatttt!
Fast forward- we’ve gone one many other dates after that, I’ve even met his roommate and a couple other friends!
But as of recent I’ve been catching him lying wether it be a big or small detail .. for example I remember having a conversation with him and his roommate about a movie he said he’s watched before … a couple days ago he told me he just finished watching the same movie for the “ first time” and of course being the way I am, I questioned him and was like ??? I swear we had a convo about how you watched it before? In which he denied having that conversation with me and his roommate
BUT TODAY I went over his place and his roommate was there and then he proceeded to say that it was his second time watching the movie!!! All I can think was “ ?!?!? “
This is definitely not the first time I catch him lying about little things like this, every time we’ve been hanging out he always contradicts himself and lies… Im not a confrontational person or anything but now I’m questioning all the stories he’s told me and wondering what’s real or not.
9 comments
Lies about the little things and gaslights you when caught after 1 month…. what’s he going to be lying and gaslighting about in a year?
if hes lying about small things like this, who knows what big things hes lying about
Well thats definately not good. I personally wouldn’t be happy with that, lying so casually and so consistently is a horrible indication of how they behave.
I’d also be worried about the gaslighting, its thrice as concerning that he is doing both. I doubt he is ignorant of it if he doesn’t choose to self reflect and go “did i?”.
Beware.
That’s such a weird thing to lie about too. Like wtf.
Dump him and move on. He’s a habitual liar and like most men he’s terrible at it. Tell him you don’t trust men who lie and if he’s lying about small stuff then you’re wondering what other major things he lies about. Say it and then walk away.
And yet here we are?
He is attractive enough and sex is so good that lying is no big deal?
I’d jump ship if I were you.
I dated a girl years ago who I always caught lying about little things, a lot. She would contradict herself, and I would confront her, and catch her smack in a lie. Eventually I started learning to ask questions, and focus on any inconsistencies, subconsciously searching for the lies. We were both quite young, but the relationship lasted over a year, long enough for my “cross checking habit” to develop and cement. I didn’t realize it was a problem at first.
Then fast forward to my most recent, long term relationship, which I unintentionally carried what I learned over into. With this girl, I did the same thing I had learned to do with the other. Any little thing that didn’t immediately make sense, I had to ask for clarification about, as if I was cross checking information for a lie. Never just took what she said with trust, almost always asked questions for full context, as if searching for inconsistencies. Except I wasn’t doing it intentionally – I didn’t legitimately think she was lying, usually didn’t have much reason to. It was entirely subconscious, like I had just learned to naturally do that. And it got to a point where it offended her, as if I was indirectly accusing her of lying by feeling the need to ask for clarification about every little thing that could possibly be contradictory. A habit I had to work on unlearning, and still am working on unlearning.
Basically what I’m getting at is, it’s not worth being in a long term relationship with a compulsive liar. You’ll likely start learning to do these things I learned, subconsciously searching for the lies even when you don’t actively suspect them, which can certainly negatively impact future relationships.
Please leave him!
Small lies are one thing but if you get into a long-term relationship with this guy, what is he going to be lying about next? Seems like a major red flag to me.