Last night me and my bf had plans to meet at his house to watch Netflix and sleep together, it”s something we do quite often. We knew we would have to meet kinda late because I had to work and also I have about an hour of commute because I don’t work in the city that we live in. So, since he had the whole afternoon for himself, he decided to meet with some friends to go to an event. I get out of work and on the bus to commute, when I get a text from him saying that the event is over and that they were going to have dinner, which made me a little upset because I was expecting to have dinner with him but I understood that he was there with his friends and hungry so okey no big deal. I get to our city a while later and I tell him that I’m gonna go grab something for dinner and he tells me that they are already leaving and we agree to meet at his house. I got to his front door and he arrived a little later, but as I was waiting for him I suddenly got really upset and when he arrived I was quite angry and started scolding him. I then felt like shit because he was coming back from having a good time with his friends, he even was thoughtful enough to buy me dessert on his way home, and all I did was scolding him… for what? Being “late” to a hangout that didn’t really have a settled schedule??? We talked about how I was feeling and I apologized and everything, and after an unconfortable conversation we ended up being fine. The rest of the night was chill, we went to sleep and today we woke up just fine and we’ve had quite a good time today, but I can’t help it to think that he was happy knowing that he was about to see me, even bought me some dessert, and I ruined it for him. I feel mortified for the way I treated him and I would do anything to prevent something like that happening again but the problem is, I don”t really know what happened to me. We’re usually pretty chill and get along very well, we barely fight and we comunicate openly about everything, so I don”t know where my anger was comming from. What do y’all think about this? I’ll gladly take any piece of advice you can give me.
TL;DR: last night I scolded my bf for no reason after he was with his friends, I apologized and he seemed to forgive me and get over it but I’m mortified for the way I treated him.
15 comments
It’s great that you recognize that your reaction wasn’t appropriate and that you’re taking responsibility for it. It’s natural to sometimes feel upset or frustrated, even if it’s for a trivial reason, but it’s important to communicate it in a healthy way. It’s possible that you were feeling anxious or stressed from work and commuting, and that triggered your emotional response. It might be helpful to explore why you felt so upset, so you can prevent it from happening in the future.
Make sure to communicate with your boyfriend about what happened and how you feel, and apologize again if you haven’t already. Ask him how he’s feeling and if there’s anything you can do to make it up to him. Communication is key in any relationship, and being able to talk about what’s bothering you can help prevent similar situations in the future.
You had a fight and resolved it. So that’s good. But if you want to talk about it again you start by talking about how you two can avoid these type of situations in the future. “I’m sorry I was angry and scolded you.l last night. I think we can talk about making more solid thought out plans so that we avoid these types of situation in the future.”
Quote from a video game: “Don’t be sorry, be better”
As long as you don’t do it again you’re golden. Don’t worry too much about making it up to him. The best apology is improved behavior.
Figure out if you have issues surrounding being made to wait. Did you get this angry whenever someone makes you wait? Or is it just him?
If you simply say you are sorry for the other night, you will be doing g better then 90% of people, most of which can never admit fault out loud…
Work on yourself so you don’t do it again
I think you should forgive yourself. It sounds like you were about to grab something to eat but skipped it because he said he was heading home. You were probably tired and hungry after working all day and taking a really long bus ride. Maybe I’m wrong and you did eat but it does seem like you didn’t until you ate the dessert.
This is the issue “ over and that they were going to have dinner, which made me a little upset because I was expecting to have dinner with him
I get to our city a while later and I tell him that I’m gonna go grab something for dinner and he tells me that they are already leaving and we agree to meet at his house. I got to his front door and he arrived a little later, but as I was waiting for him I suddenly got really upset. “
You’re arranging your time around him, he is treating your time very casually and you lose out.
He decided to go eat when you thought you two had plans. Rather than saying “hey! I thought we had dinner plans!” You tried to be a very nice girlfriend and let it go.
But then when you wanted to get something to eat yourself he texted you and you didn’t. You rushed to meet him at his place only for him to leave you waiting.
That’s when you snapped. So apologize for snapping but also let him know flat out that plans need to be a lot firmer and less free floating so that you don’t wind up dinnerless and feeling like your time isn’t respected.
And for what it’s worth you didn’t need to rush to meet him. You could have had said “I’m going to eat, I will come to your place when I’m done”.
You own yourself, you own your time. He has no problem deciding to eat instead of meeting you. You can do the same.
Go easy on yourself. You apologized and showed true remorse. I wouldnt worry unless it happens again. If it does happen again you might have some buried issues to work through. At that point talking to a counselor might be helpful. Conclusion you’re a good person who may just be overthinking the situation.
“Thanks again for being understanding the other night. I was really looking forward to seeing you and I’m sorry I let the delay make me sour about it.”
You might just be hangry. You know what you’re hungry and you’re just annoyed due to hunger, not due to anything.
From your post, it sounds like you wanted to grab dinner with him after work but he was having dinner w/ friends which is more than fine. Then, you wanted to grab something for dinner but he told you he’s going to come home as he’s done with his thing with friends, albeit bringing dessert for you–so you just went to his place, waiting.
But he was a tad “late” than you expect so you were waiting around…hangry.
Did you just eat the dessert or you end up having dinner after the whole convo with him?
Verbally acknowledge that you were wrong and apologize. Then ask HIM how you can make up for it. Then do whatever he says. 9/10 times the apology is more than enough.
You apologized and everything was fine. Let it go. Don’t keep ruminating on the situation. Shame does that. You are human and made a mistake. Remember tomorrow will happen and try to do better.
Just act better, and maybe try to do something unusually special for him for no reason (i.e. don’t position the act as a part of your apology, just do it without comment). Lots of guys basically want something having to do with food or sex, so maybe focus on one or both of those.
You already apologized and talked about your feelings and the issue. The only thing you CAN do is to NOT DO IT AGAIN <3 When you are angry, take a breath, cool down, relax!
I don’t think you have to make it up to him. I don’t think you really need to take this whole incident as your fault, either. You are being quite understanding but it is actually rude of him to change the plan on you and expect you to accommodate when you were the one making all the effort in the first place.
I do think you need to figure out for yourself what exactly your intense feelings were about. Like, you made several inconvenient adjustments to your evening plan to spend time with him, and he just went along doing what he wanted knowing you would show up at his door? Maybe you have some feelings about his lack of excitement to see you or lack of effort or the imbalance? Maybe you have some longer term resentment about planning or priority? Because usually for me when something boils over like that, it’s been something little I’ve been pushing down over and over again, but actually feeling hurt about.
And knowing what that feeling was about for you can help you resolve it properly, either within yourself, like ‘I choose to wait for him even when he’s being kind of a flake because the company is worth it’, or by talking to him about what your feelings really are and what you expect from him as a partner. and both those things help make it less likely to happen again.
Maybe if he’s out with friends, you choose not to go to his place that night. Maybe you ask him to make plans with you more solid rather than pushing them around for other things. Maybe you want him to make more effort in the relationship in general?