Hi, so the title is pretty explicit. I’ve convinced myself that I’m a pretty attractive guy. I mean, I’m no super model but I’ve done a relatively good job taking care of my appearance. However, I lack the social skills to keep good conversations, to keep the girl interested, to idk, not be boring ig. So the thing is, when I go up to a girl, ask her number, whatever, she usually gives it, and all seems ok. I’ve actually had a few interactions where the girl actually approaches me first. Meaning, she either dms me, or comes over and asks for my insta or whatever. Which I know is pretty rare, since women r not used to making the first move. Or when I go to a club, I always get some stares, and can always get a girl for the night, sometimes a few, without even trying that hard. But somehow I always fumble, after a few weeks, some dates, I either get ghosted or she ends things with me. That’s it. I must be doing something wrong bc how can I fumble a girl that wants me first? Idk, if y’all have any idea of what can be happening lmk pls
19 comments
do you even lift bro?
You already know the problem. Just work on yourself. You’ll fumble a lot. Just humble yourself and keep working at it.
Cold approaching has a very high failure rate. It’s completely normal for women not to respond when a stranger has asked for her contact info. So part of this is just part of the game. That doesn’t mean you’re not making mistakes. Your goal is to figure out what the mistakes are. And that’s hard for us to help you with unless you give us very detailed accounts of what you did. Maybe you can write a few different posts. One for each interaction and go detailed. Then you will likely get help in figuring out what some of the mistakes are.
r/socialskills
Best advice is to hang out with friends that are good with women. Copy them at first until you internalize what’s going on.
Social skills are developed by talking to people, how are you dealing with women outside the relationship area? Do you have female friends? Do you have famele cousins or sisters to talk to? The biggest complaint of women in first encounters is that guys don’t seem to be interested in the things they say or do and this causes them to lose interest as well. There are things that women don’t tell the guys they are interested in but they tell their friends, so this friendly contact with women can help you better understand the “female universe” and maybe help you to develop conversations with women.
You can practice its not a permanent thing
What are some of your go-tos for conversation? Showing interest in them is normally a great help.
Rather than just asking “what do you do for work?” Probe the response and ask them about it. Do they enjoy their job? What’s the worst job they’ve worked?
It shows that you’re actually paying attention (which hopefully you are!) And you’re interested.
Confidence goes a long way. Most women love it!
Just keep trying to be yourself, and try to act natural. You don’t need to try to act any other way. Eventually you will find the right person that will like you for being yourself.
I would also take a look at the women you’re attracting. You will always benefit from working on yourself and your social skills, but I’m willing to bet the women approaching you are ones that have different values or priorities, possibly a short “dating attention span.” Expanding how and where you meet women could change your overall experience.
Don’t we all
I have ASD/ADHD so I can relate to some extent. I’ve always been fascinated by my lack of friendships so from the age of 15 I had been studying the art of making everyone like me.
I think I had to like me first. And it gets easier the older I get. I’ve done some brave things. I’ve done some silly things. I haven’t really improved on number of friendships but the friends I do have, are for life. Dating is even harder but you’ve gotta start somewhere!
Asking questions about them is a good way to keep the conversations going. Have some go to ones so you’re always prepared, then all you have to do is just listen.
“I’ve learned that people will forget what you said, people will forget what you did, but people will never forget how you made them feel.” -Maya Angelou
Talk to her about her. Maybe buy one of those conversation set of books or cards or something.
It’s really hard to say without some examples of what happened before they ended things.
What stood out to me was it sounds like several of these women are making the first move. Are you reciprocating that energy and pursuing them back? And are they interested in something more than short-term casual?
You know how some people can literally talk about the weather and keep a girls attention, I can’t… I have no giftcof talking about nothing and I have absolutely no game.. some people have these things some don’t, and some people have a presence weather it is a quiet coolness or a burning flame, figure out who and what you are and go from there, personally I don’t do relationships, I find them tedious a bit boring and extremely painful to be a part of. But to each their own.
If a woman isn’t willing to put in the time to get to kmow you past that awkward stage then she probably isn’t worth the second thought, I think you would know if you lacked social skill or had some kimd of social anxiety lots of the time it comes down to comfortability…. and at the club liquid courage is involved
One possibility is that you may not be able to connect with the women you’re dating on a deeper level. While physical attraction is important, it’s also important to have shared interests, values, and a similar sense of humor. It’s possible that you may need to work on developing your conversation skills to be able to create that connection.
Honestly what has worked for me regarding social skills in general (esp since they got crushed by quarantine) is to just go for it. If you think the girl you’re talking to is beautiful, or has a cute laugh, you could just blurt it out. Ofc you have to put an effort to stay present during the conversation but if you sense that there’s chemistry or an overall flirtatious vibe, just blurt that shit out man. You never know how bad someone needs to hear it any day.