My bf and I have kind of known each other since middle school. He’s my brother’s best friend and I guess that’s part of the reason why I said we can give it a try when he confessed to me since my brother’s not the easiest person to get along with.
Even though we’ve known each other for years, we didn’t really hang out much until a few months before he confessed. I always used my brother as a buffer since I didn’t want to assume why he was reaching out to me to hang out instead of my brother, but anyways, after a couple months of hanging out every weekend, it came out and I said why not. I wasn’t super into him yet but I also know that I was developing some sort of feelings for him since I enjoyed our banters and felt closer to him in my brother’s friend group. Unfortunately, as I got closer to my brother’s clique, his other best friend sort of developed a crush on me as well. My bf initially wanted to keep our relationship a secret (he said he was shy and I was his first gf so he wasn’t really sure how to go about introducing me as a gf so I was okay with it until he got comfortable with our new relationship status) but then when his other best friend walked up to him and told him he wanted to confess to me, he just blurted out that we’ve been going out. Even though that’s true, we’ve only been together for a week, and I felt a little blindsided too since he was the one who insisted not to tell anyone.
I don’t know whether to consider all these blindside attacks as red flags or if it should be a learning curve since I’m his first gf. It honestly doesn’t feel like I’m his gf. It just feels like we’ve moved on from friends to being FWB. Like, we’re exclusive and stuff, but we only see each other on the weekends because I like an hour away from him. We can only see each other if I make the effort to drive to him and that’s only under the condition that he doesn’t have work the following day. Like, when I really miss him, I’d suggest meeting for maybe dinner, just so we can have a few hours together, but he says we both have work. I can see him trying to say it as though to care for me but I can’t help but feel rejected.
He won’t even text with me when he’s available. He just sends emojis of good morning to me and then stay silent the entire day, and then ten minutes of texting between 6pm – 8pm at random times and then send an emoji of goodnight to tell me to go to sleep…even though he knows I’m not gonna go to bed. I know he’s not in bed either since he shares stuff till midnight on his IG so sometimes, when I see that, I feel really unwanted like I’m not worth his time.
As far as I can tell, that’s just how his personality is. He doesn’t have a very strong empathy for others. If I’m being serious, I don’t think I’ve ever seen him empathize with anyone. He’s very blunt and the few times I’ve been direct with him, it’s only when its really hurt my feelings. Like when he accidentally poked my eye. Instead of apologizing for the accident he made a joke and made fun of me saying it’s okay to lose one. I snapped and told him that it’s not funny cause I was really hurt and he just kept quiet like a child when they realized they made a mistake without knowing it’s wrong.
How do I approach this issue without it growing into something worse in the future?
1 comment
Well, what is your end goal here? Because it sounds like we’re off to a bad start.
The dynamics of your relationship are… disapointing. There is no colour (or life even) to it.
This was a *let’s try it out and see what happens.* A trial run.
And the results are… sad. Clearly its not an over the moon madly in love result.
You’re not chained to stick this relationship out until the end of time. You tried the chemistry and from the sounds of it… its not there.
Even for yourself… you started this whole thing off in the mindset of:
>I wasn’t super into him yet but I also know that I was developing some sort of feelings for him since I enjoyed our banners and felt closer to him in my brother’s friend group.
That doesn’t sound like a decision made in confidence, that sounds like a decision made on a whim (let’s see what happens).
And here you are… You stepped up and became the only one putting effort into the relationship and receiving nothing in return.
Not sure if this is one to even fight to fix. This may be one to let go. And find a more natural relationship elsewhere.
At 6 months.. things should be getting better, not worse.