My wife and I have been having a rough patch, arguing about the usual – money/parenting. We haven’t really spoken to each other for 2 days. I work full time and she is a stay at home mom. Our kids are in school for most of the day, which allows my wife to do what she needs.
I got a call from my buddy who lives in the same city and he said he saw my car outside someone’s house. I have a bright red car with a unique license plate so it’s hard to mistaken. He was asking why i was there and I told I had to take my wife’s car so it was my wife. We live in the suburbs so there’s plenty of parking. He wanted to be sure so he turned around and at that moment he saw my wife walking down the driveway into the car.
I casually asked my wife what she did today and she said she went to a friend’s house. I asked which friend and she just said a friend and left it at that. I was a bit curious so I asked my friend for the address and I drove over, only about 10 mins away. I parked across the street and the house did not look familiar and most of her friends that I met lived further away. She would have mentioned she had a friend living that close. I sat there for about 20 mins feeling pretty weirded out like a stalker, but a gentleman walked to get the mail. I’ve never seen him before. I just drove off and I’m not sure how to talk to my wife about this. Ideally he could be the friends husband, but that’s just fruitful thinking maybe. But this is pretty sketchy right? How should I ask my wife who she was with without coming off as an insecure guy?
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Well keep me updated man I fucking hate cheaters I caught my wife sneaking it in out home at 5 am on her bday she should have been home about 12:30 am after work but I was up all night waiting for her because when we got married she was pregnant and I was still in school . Didn’t have alot of Money for a ring we didn’t get a honeymoon so this was Jan 24 th Christmas time my boss gave me an $8 k bonus plus had to pay me for 4 weeks vacation so I spent my entire bonus and some savings got us a trip to Hawaii and her a new wedding ring just to freaking catch her screwing some dam guy . She never wore the ring and never went to Hawaii I actually almost went to jail because I threw the phone and it went through our living room window well cops were called from my neighbor but they let me go after I was cuffed in the car and talked to the cop about all the crap I went through in the last 6 hours ge was cool told my ex she had 5 minutes to pack a bag and leave she was pissed off . She thought she would be going in and going to bed well nope not I’m our home
You should ask your wife directly. It’s better to get it addressed rather than continue playing the guessing game. And don’t worry, you won’t come across as insecure (at least you shouldn’t). You found out she was there because a friend told you, not because you were spying on her. And of course, why wouldn’t you be suspicious? She was at someone’s house and she never told you about it. She’s hiding something. You have a right to be suspicious. Don’t accuse her of cheating, she may not be cheating at all, but what the hell is she doing – that’s something you should know.
Wow that doesn’t seem good at all! It could be the husband but I’m not thinking so since she never told u the truth. Have u seen other signs that she thinks about other men, like stares at your friends, secret with phone, checks out all guys, watches porn non stop or is shady about where she’s going or doing?
I’d be on high alert that’s for sure. U may want to wear a condom. Sorry but it could be nothing also, keep us posted.
Do not confront her without solid evidence. If you can get a PI, look through her phone, speak to a lawyer, but until you have evidence which cant be played off dont confront her. Read u/ThrowAway_SAHDPlease story that is what to do in this situation
Imo before you assume she was (or wasn’t) with another guy, you and your wife need to communicate. Two days without speaking seems like a long time to me. I suggest clearly telling her you want to talk and, assuming she’s willing, which I hope she is, addressing this and any other unspoken things that may have come up during the “rough patch.” I think communication (or lack thereof) is the main issue here. If you don’t communicate, the situation can deteriorate. I hope you guys talk asap. Hoping it works out!
Man, I’m sorry to hear this but no matter how you try to square it in your mind, stuff like this will never add up right until you get at the truth🤨Just the way she sold it to you when you asked her in the first place is a huge red flag 🚩 and that’s all your going to get going forward “IF” it’s not on the level..so the smart move from this point is to be quite and observe for awhile..be. calm. cool. collected. She’s not giving up any info and neither should you…have you considered the rough patch might be because of this so called friend? it would be interesting to see the frequency she goes off to visit….maybe it’s just me, but how hard and important is transparency and communication in a relationship?🤔
She may have said so little because you’re not talking to each other really.
Maybe start with:
“We’re having a rough patch right now aren’t we. Do you want to work on this together?”
“I want to connect with you again”
Start talking and reconnect. Later in discussion bring it up.
“So this is hard for me to ask but Friend X said he saw your car outside a house on Y street, who lives there is that your friend? Who is it? I never realised you had a friend living so close. That’s great you’ve got someone local, you should invite them round here, I’d love to meet them”.
If she refuses to say who it is or don’t want you to meet them then 🚩
Most people would mention the person’s name when asked, not just say “a friend.”
It’s not normal to not tell your husband which friend she saw. It’s also not normal to not know who her friends are. Ask her directly. You are not being insecure.
ETA: I am extremely independent. But I let the hubby know where I’m going and who I’m seeing.
Ask her what friend and than tell her introduce you.
Go to fastpeoplesearch.com and search the address and it will give you who lives there.
Google the address and find out who lives there. Rehold is a good site for that. Then go to Facebook and look up the names. Then see if your wife is FB friends with them or whoever. Then check and see if there are post likes or hearts or comments in either direction.
Type the address into google and see who lives there.
I will go out on a limb and say you’re wife is being petty and immature because you two aren’t speaking. If she went to truly see a female friend, she wanted to omit the name to make you jealous. I’ve done this before sadly. It’s stupid. However, if it’s not innocent, it will come out. Just don’t accuse her unless you have solid proof. Other than that just ask her. Doesn’t matter if you seem “insecure” because she opened that up when she didn’t tell you who it was. Before doing that, you need to decide your next steps. If she is doing x, you will do x. Plan what you will say or how you will react prior so you don’t react poorly. Even if you have to take some space to yourself.
Hopefully this all turns out to be nothing. But honestly, quit the not talking thing. My husband and I have done that many times. It’s harmful to both of you. It’s hurting y’all, the marriage, the kids notice, etc. Don’t go to bed without making up. Love on each other. Even if you have to make up in a playful way. Marriage counseling may be very helpful so you both learn how to deal with conflict. At the end of the day you married because you love each other. Both of you need to put the work in so you both are happy.
You already asked her who she was with. She said a friend. She could be telling the truth and she could be lying. What do you think you will gain by continuing to question her? If she is lying, she most likely won’t tell you who she was really with and if she was telling you the truth you are risking driving an even bigger wedge between the two of you. Take her for her word right now, but keep your eyes open. If anything, this is a wake up call that you both need to devote more time to your marriage. Start dating again. Compliment her. Talk more. Give her what she wants and needs. I have been married 18 years and I can tell you that rough patches happen. The key is to try to get out of them sooner rather than later.
You definitely need to talk to her about it. I would mention that your friend saw the car and ask who does she know over there. Then I would ask to meet said person if she says they are a friend. Married couples should know each other’s friends. If the two of you are disconnected, what are the two of you doing to reconnect? Are you spending quality time together where you do not talk about problems?
She’s getting clapped
Have you searched the address?
That’s so purposefully rude and avoidant to say, “a friend,” when your **SPOUSE** asks who’s house you were at, or who you were with.
Yeah I would say just ask her don’t think to much about it. Trust me if the shoes was on the other foot her ass would ask u with no problem. So check her ass that’s your wife, fuck that insecure shit..
Did he not recognise the car parked up I take it? Seeing as though he’d recognise both yours or your wife’s car?
I wouldn’t say anything and continue to follow her and see what you can find out.
No way would my husband not press me for more information. He would definitely want names lol.
Unless your wife is known to lie and hide things I don’t think her behavior is proof she’s cheating. Yall haven’t talked in 2 days and some people when they are feeling petty would purposely leave out as much info as possible. I unfortunately have done that too when I was younger and more petty. Doesn’t mean I’ve ever cheated or crossed boundaries. Plus just because you saw a guy live there doesn’t mean that’s who she met with or that she cheated with him. What if that guy is married and she met with the wife? What if that guy is actually gay and would never make a move on your wife? Or what if that was legit a friend who respects you and your wife’s marriage? You have no proof of anything suspicious yet. I think she most likely didn’t tell you anything because yall haven’t talked in 2 days, that’s the main issue. Fix that first and just keep your eyes open for other signs that she could be unfaithful
Idle hands do the devils work. Sounds like your wife needs to start bringing in some money since it’s a source of argument and she has free time before the kids come home.
OP, I know I’m late to this, and I don’t want to add more revolving suspicions in your head, but the best thing you could do is look at your bank statements. Lots of people run businesses out of their homes, and it’s possible she went there for something transactional but didn’t want to tell you.
Can you look at tax info online and find out who owns the house? Then do some research into who it is and how he knows her? I have to look up property ownership all the time and it’s quite easily available online in most areas. Once you know who it is and how he knows your wife, you can start monitoring the situation better.
It could be innocent, but also ask yourself if you’re going to reconnect and stay married IF she had an affair can ypu forgive her and move past it.? People make mistakes and deserve second chances, if they change.
First step is to decide now what you want. You have children to consider. Other family members, friends, etc. Be sensible and calm. Just make sure YOU don’t create MORE problems.
Don’t confront her. Two reasons, 1-your friend may be lying/confused. 2-if your friend isn’t lying/confused you don’t want the wife to know you are on to this.
Hire a private detective. They really aren’t all that expensive. Let me put it this way. It is far more affordable to have them get the facts than it is to spiral into mind games and stalking. It is also safer for you both.
Once you know what is going on you take the next step. Which would then be to drop it (if your suspicions were wrong) OR talk to the wife and try to sort out what Happened, or plan your exit from the situation.
Don’t forget the first and most important thing. Be sensible and calm. Just make sure YOU aren’t the new problem.
Aya, if you gonna cheat, don’t cheat with your neighbors. That’s just bad
Well, she didn’t lie to you and could have easily. Major green flag.
I would just start conversations with her and fix that gap.
It doesn’t matter if the friend is male or female. You get on, you get on. You don’t know which gender she was seeing and even if it was the wife, that doesn’t mean they aren’t having sex.
All you currently know is that you aren’t speaking, despite this, she did not lie.
Just talk more, apologize if you are meant to. When you are okay, ask who the friend is. Go from there
Hire a PI and start preparing for bad news. I wouldn’t ask directly because she’ll deny and potentially change up her pattern to cover up. I’ve seen this happen a lot and her vague responses combined with you two arguing more (perhaps she’s being more combative recently) don’t bode well.
Go to the county you live in website GIS mapper tool, click the house it was, boom, you know who owns the house. Additional sleuthing required to make sure it isn’t a landlord. etc. OR you can just ask her who she visited.
You’re better than me 😂😂 I would have knocked on the door lol
Why can’t you be honest and say your friend saw the car and thought it was you and was wondering why you were in that part of town? Should be a straightforward question. Should be a straightforward answer. If she knows you know exactly where she was and gets weird, you may have a problem.
She’s cheating
I agree with the guy that stated you shouldn’t question her without any evidence. That would only alert her that you are suspicious and would make her want to hide what she is being sneaky about some more. I would of asked the guy that went to get the mail if he was married or if he knows your wife. That is a start to knowing what he knows. But before doing this I would do the research on that house to get some more facts. He could be nervous and start lying if he don’t know what you know. He may not even know that your wife is married to you. If he doesn’t know it is easy to say you are just a friend to see what that guy has to say about your wife.
Personally I would dig as much info as possible before even asking her about it. I’d be researching the address, looking up who lives there (use the county tax assessment maps), researching them on every available platform, etc. I mean don’t spend hours and hours on it but getting some basic info is so easy. Then I’d ask your wife about it directly and just be honest that your friend texted you seeing her car
It just seems less-than-intelligent for someone to cheat by parking a highly visible and unique vehicle in the other person’s driveway. All the novels have the home resident clear his or her car out of the garage so the cheating spouse can quickly pull in and close the door using a remote that is there for that use.
That said, doing stuff in plain sight is also a strategy, but I’m not convinced yet. I’d focus on getting your relationship back into talking with one another and you may learn something that will bring comfort and peace.
So many innocent people in this world. Wait and then pop by, open the mailbox and see what name is on the mail. If you want to avoid potential problems with rummaging through somebody else’s mail, take a look a your county’s RE tax records. You should be able to look up the property by address. That might tell you who’s the owner of that property.
Dude, snoop her phone.
Stay cool and keep gathering evidence. Do not tip your hand any further.
Instead of doubting your wife’s integrity and taking it to strangers on Reddit, why don’t you work on building bridges with her, speaking her language and getting closer and closer to her?
Best way to approach this ” Baby I have a funny story! Ben saw my car parked outside of a house on such and such a street and called me to ask what I was doing there lol told him you had my car for the day. Is this a new friend of yours? How cool they live so close! Tell me more about them? I’d love to invite her and her husband over for dinner!”
This is a very innocent way to see what’s going on and is truthful on how you know about this incident. Maybe you did just see the husband. Maybe she is cheating. Maybe this dude is gay and shes worried how you may take to her hanging out with a guy regardless of his sexual orientation so shes being a bit cold while trying to figure out what to tell you which is why shes being a bit sketchy. Not gonna know til you find out and this is the best way to ask without being suspicious.
Remind me! 4 days
What frequently happens when a woman is indulging in infidelity, is that the man goes from being a partner and father to a list of wrongdoings and mistakes that we older fellas refer to as “The List”.
Gentlemen frequently try to correct the behavior on “The List” but no amount of change or improvement will be satisfactory once you become “The List”.
If you’ve been having a “rough patch” and you’ve been relegated to “The List” the likely reason for the rough patch is infidelity unfortunately.
Also, what married person accepts “a friend” as an answer to “which friend”? That’s not good at all.
i mean, i would never say to my husband “a friend” even if we were in a rough patch. wtf
Ho back another day, but the same day and time that your wife was there tos see if she repeats a pattern. If she is not there, knock on the door. If a lady answers, ask if she knows your wife and go from there. If the guy answers, make up some reason why you would like to speak to the lady of the house. Of he says he is single, it could be a problem. If he says she is not there, ask when it would be a good time to return to speak with her to see if she is normally away when your wife is there.
Or, you could say your buddy saw the car. Saw her leave and a guy coming out right after to check for mail. Ask who the guy is and why she skirted around answering the first time.
Personally, I would do the 2nd.