I (23M) have been in a relationship with my girlfriend (23F) for over three years now (LDR, but we meet up every 3 months). I very recently realised that almost every other aspect of a relationship is trivial, but the most important part of a relationship is definitely communication.
To make this relationship work, I have been compromising in almost all of our arguments. Over time, this has given a very negative connotation to my role in this relationship. I always feel like I should not say things that I don’t like about her, as it will upset her and break our relationship.
Today I was deeply hurt by something that she said. It wasn’t directly intended for me, maybe because of which she didn’t realise that it was hurtful for me. But if I had the courage to tell her that this sounded very wrong to me, I would’ve cleared up this misunderstanding of ours.
How can I overcome this fear and start telling her the harsh truth about her in a civilised manner? She is also an extremely defensive person who will do everything in her power to defend herself, so I would want advice according to that. Thank you!
TL;DR: Need advice on how to communicate my problems well with my girlfriend without offending her.
4 comments
> She is also an extremely defensive person who will do everything in her power to defend herself,
If this is the case then you may also want to consider they’re not suitable partner. If you can even discuss conflicts then you can’t grow together.
The best way to approach it is to be honest and open, explain that you want to talk about things that have affected you and that you want her to really hear you and not try to think of to immediate defend herself. You can start by stating you aren’t attacking her, you are talking about things that affect the relationship. Things that affect both of you together
It’s great that you recognize the importance of communication in a relationship, as it truly is the cornerstone for a healthy and fulfilling connection. However, it’s also important to recognize that compromise should not always come at the expense of your own feelings and needs.
When it comes to addressing sensitive issues with your girlfriend, it’s important to approach the conversation with empathy and compassion. Try to express your concerns in a way that doesn’t feel accusatory or judgmental. Use “I” statements to describe how her words or actions made you feel, rather than placing blame on her.
Additionally, it may be helpful to have the conversation at a time when both of you are feeling calm and open to discussing the issue. If she becomes defensive, try to validate her perspective while also asserting your own feelings and needs.
Remember, it’s important to be honest and open in a relationship, but it’s also important to approach those conversations with kindness and understanding. Good luck!
You do it by recognizing that if trying to have a relationship with someone destroys the relationship, then it’s better to break up than to continue a fake relationship. A relationship where you never fix any issues that come up and you just pretend everything is okay is one that both lacks closeness and is doomed to get worse and worse over time. So, do you want a chance at a good relationship at the risk of losing a relationship if it was doomed to be miserable?
It can be hard at first but you need to show yourself some respect and stand up for yourself. Try to talk about the way you communicate since that is the “real” problem here. Don’t wait for things to happen and then kind of solve them (at your expense, too) so that the cycle keeps repeating itself. Give her a chance but if she doesn’t care enough about the relationship to actually listen and work on it, you have to break up with her! You deserve someone who’s as invested in the relationship as you are.