Is it seen as strange to be in a very long term relationship and not getting married?

23 comments

1. I fell like it’s more and more accepted in the US now.

   I have family members that have been together for a long time not married (childless by choice).

2. Not very common but certainly not strange.

3. Honestly? It’s seen as a little bit scummy. Like: he’s been fucking her for nine years and he still refuses to commit.

   The man is always considered to the one at fault, because, you know, that’s the culture right now.

4. That would still be considered strange in my part of the USA

5. It is more common in other countries, but not exceedingly rare or anything. It varies greatly with time and the age of those involved and the observer. People care less year over year.

   I will say that practicalities come into play that are not an issue elsewhere. A big example is healthcare. If I want to cover my kid’s mother on my insurance, for example, we have to be married. That’s not necessarily an issue elsewhere.

   Having kids intentionally without getting married would definitely be the oddest of these, though it certainly happens by accident quite a bit more.

6. No. Not at all.

7. Yes very strange. I assume that there is something wrong with them.

8. Probably pretty regional. It’s pretty common where I live, and not seen as strange. Nobody really cares.

   But I’ve lived in other parts of the country where it’s looked down upon.

9. My wife and I were together for 10 years before getting married. I would say it’s strange enough that people often have questions but not necessarily negative.

10. Yeah, a little strange but nothing crazy. There’d be a perception that the relationship lacks commitment. I assume that this varies a bit by region however and that more liberal areas of country would be more accepting of arrangements like that.

    FUN FACT: until 2016 it was technically illegal to cohabitate in Florida. It fell under the “lewd and lascivious behavior” statute and could land you 60 days in the county jail.

11. Like everything in the US, the answer is one giant “the United States is a large and diverse country on a level difficult to understand if you have no experience with truly large nations. Any attempt to attribute one set of beliefs and experiences to the United States will inevitably fail.”

    In the cities, this is extremely common to the point where nobody where I’m from would question it in the slightest. In some rural areas, it may be considered odd. The US is a big place.

12. Define “very long term.”

    That said, unmarried cohabitation is reasonably common, particularly in urban areas. Basically wherever people are less religious and have higher degrees of education, the lifestyle is more common. Mixture of cost of living and differing social attitudes about the reasons for marriage.

13. If a couple wants to shack up that is there business. It doesn’t make much legal sense to not get married if you are in it for the rest of your life anyway. Marriage is a legal protection that can grant so many rights like being able to be with your partner in the hospital and make life saving choices for them if they can’t, inheritance, tax benefits, etc… Sure you can spend thousands on legal fees and get something not nearly as good but it can be overturned by the courts. The courts can not take away your rights as a married couple.

    I crack up at the guys (usually on reddit) that say if they get married the ex will take all their stuff. But it’s like what is she really going to take? Half your mom’s basement? Your porn sock? $4.78 a month in alimony from your job at Walmart?

14. I see it as more and more common. I can remember when it was frowned upon. Nowadays, not so much. Up here in New England we take a more “mind your own business” approach. Other parts of the country would probably be more judgemental.

15. It’s more common among younger generations and people who live in more progressive areas. Out here in California, nobody cares.

    In the more conservative, traditional parts of the country (the South, rural areas, etc) it’s more likely to be seen as strange.

16. It is not unheard of, but it is uncommon and a bit strange.

17. I can answer this one from personal experience.

    I (32F) have been with my partner (35M) for 8 years, we are unmarried and don’t intend to marry; this is mutual (he would lose his disability benefits, and I had a traumatic marriage experience in my early 20s). We moved in together after a year of dating. We are childfree and I am electively sterilized.

    In all of that time, we have faced exactly 2 instances where our unmarried status was seen as “strange:”

    * our hairdresser (we both go to the same one) is surprised that we aren’t married and thinks we will marry eventually.

    * my grandmother sees our relationship as illegitimate and frequently tries to set me up with her single male home care aides

    Honestly though I think a lot of people just don’t think about it too hard, and a lot of people who have casually known us for awhile simply assume we are married already anyway. It’s the kind of thing where if you find out a longterm couple is unmarried you just kind of shrug and go “huh, wonder why” but it kinda stops there.

18. There is this new dynamic that I’ve noticed among people my age (mid fifties to mid sixties).

    Widowed or divorced people are intentionally not getting remarried. Rather, they get together as long term partners or a couple.

    It’s kind of a new norm and not seen as odd

19. It sorta begs the question “why not”, ya know? It’s not very strange, but it will raise some eyebrows. There’s generally an expectation that couples who live together will marry eventually.

20. It wouldn’t be thought about much and most people wouldn’t consider it their business. People might occasionally wonder why a committed long-term couple with kids wouldn’t go ahead and get married just to simplify their lives (healthcare, etc.)

21. Naah

22. If there are no kids and no jointly owned house, it’s not too unusual. Not the norm and if you’ve been together over a decade with no marriage you’ll likely be asked why not, but it’s merely surprising, not shocking.

    But it’s very rare in my circle for a couple to be unmarried with kids or a jointly owned house. That usually means the couple is actively opposed to the idea of marriage, not just that they don’t see it as needed.

23. It’s becoming more common to be honest. Rates of marriage are at a 30-year low currently. I think more people are moving away from antiquated views of relationships and marriage. My partner and I have been together 10 years and don’t have plans for marriage or kids. My sister and her husband got married after over 12 years together.

    https://www.pewresearch.org/social-trends/2021/10/05/rising-share-of-u-s-adults-are-living-without-a-spouse-or-partner/

    Edit: link added