We have been dating for about 4 years. One thing I’ve noticed is that he always has done his best to spend as much time with his grandfather as possible. His grandfather had fallen into a depression ever since his grandmother died a few years ago. My boyfriend saw it as his duty to pull his grandfather out of that depression.
But a week and a half ago. His grandfathers health collapsed. His heart just gave in so quickly. My boyfriend didn’t even have time to get to say goodbye.
After his grandfathers death. My boyfriend started becoming distant. After a few days he just stopped responding to texts and call entirely.
2 ago I got a text from him.
“I’m sorry. You deserve better. It was my job to save my grandfather. To pull him out of the hell he was trapped in. If I couldn’t make him happy, i know I can’t make you happy. And I don’t deserve you. Not after the way I failed. I don’t deserve life at all. I love you forever.”
I went to his apartment and found him unconscious. He had caused an overdose with his pills. I got him taken to a hospital, but he still hasn’t woken up. He’s stable right now, but they don’t know when he will wake up or if there will be significant permanent functional damage to him. Just. Fuck. Fuck. I don’t know what to do. I don’t know what to do until he wakes up. I don’t know what to do once he wakes up. I just don’t know what the fuck to do.
TLDR: boyfriend attempted suicide, now is in a coma. I have no idea what the fuck to do.
8 comments
It sounds like pointless advice but be kind to yourself.
It’s okay that you don’t know how to feel or are just completely overwhelmed. Witnessing that and living with this situation is traumatic.
People battling mental illness aren’t able to act or think rationally. This is a job for professionals. Take the recommendations of his doctors/therapists, give him time to heal and healthily grieve his grandfather. Give your relationship some time on the back burner while he works on himself.
Its ok to be scared. We aren’t meant to be alone, so make sure to find someone you can depend on. Find strength in others, make sure you don’t try and cope all alone. Talk with your loved ones, lean on them for support. You will make it through this as long as you reach out for help
The only thing you can do right now is be there. It’s not your “job” to fix him like he thought it was his job to fix his grandfather.
It takes a great amount of internal pain for someone to do this. I really, really hope he wakes up and if he does he needs some intense therapy. Not just a monthly visit, but maybe daily and maybe an inpatient situation.
Hang in there. I know your heart is shattered. Try to be strong and maybe ask a therapist how you can be there for him. You need some help, too. This is a horrible situation. Sending you warm thoughts.
Take care of yourself. Let yourself grieve. Talk to your friends. Process this.
I’m sorry such an awful thing happened to you and your boyfriend.
I’m sorry this is happening. You don’t have to make any decisions now. But if you choose to end the relationship once he wakes up, remember you’re not the bag guy for doing so. You are not obligated to stick it out.
I think you need to get into therapy now, and he needs to get into therapy when he wakes up.
Stay strong, you can make it through this.
If you can, talk to like someone on like a phone or irl who knows a bit about these things. Maybe like a one session therapist kind of thing
And
It is ok to feel angry about this