after our first date we spent an entire week together, then I left her for a week but we kept face timing for hours every day and already had a boyfriend-girlfriend type of dynamic. Then we met again in a different country where she went to visit family.
She chose to sleep at my place every day, for three weeks, we would have breakfast together and go on dates in the evening. During the day she would go see her family. We were as close to each other as we are right now. Scrolled up our chats. They were the same as now. Thats a bit scary. Same words, same dynamic, me asking her where is, she sending me updates. telling me how much I mean to her etc. We just had this instant connection to each other from the very beginning.
The second week she was already telling me that she is falling in love with me and that this is extremely special to her etc. this is when this happened. (third week she dropped the ‘I love you’)
She recently told me, she went to see a ‘friend’ for a few minutes just to check up with him and that he confessed his love for her (she is super pretty, these type of things happen often). She said she didn’t tell me about it back then but I was like it’s fine. It was just a friend as I see and super unnecessary.
Then after we talked about it further, she told me that she went to his place to meet him and that he kissed her. She insisted that this guy kissed her and that she didn’t do anything but it didn’t make no sense to me as when a guy kisses a girl she can always block it which she didn’t.
She confessed to me that they kissed but then she felt uncomfortable and left she said.
Then she said she just kissed him because she felt bad for him because he told her that his life went to shit since they broke up at 13 as she further confessed that this guy was her first boyfriend when she was like 13 but they had never had slept together or anything and she just wanted to go see him as they happened to be in the same city out of coincidence and she really wanted to hear what he is up to. (keep in mind it is not her home town.
We were as close as we are right now to each other, talked the same way, said the same things. at the second week of being with me, she one day left to meet a couple she said.
That night, she was sleeping at my place, I even brought her to the city. She said she was gonna meet a couple from school and lied to me about everything. After their meeting she came back home to me and acted like she met this couple. A week after this she confessed her love to me.
I don’t know what to think. I would have never been able to pull this off. Now she says she thought I was a player and she was thinking that I was playing her.. Which might have seemed that way maybe but I was always very honest to her, gave her all my attention and most importantly time.
She had told me from the beginning that she is monogamous, would never see multiple people at the same time and so did I. Also since she was acting like my girlfriend and telling me all those nice things about her feelings and was truly acting like her eyes only saw me, I just felt like I owed her this. I felt like I’d be an absolutely shit person if I did so. Come on.. She was sleeping at my place every night, I was telling her all these sweet things too, taking her on daily dates, she was acting like head over heels in love with me (so quickly). I could have never seen anyone else during this time.
She told me she just lied about this in the first place because she couldn’t tell me she was meeting a male friend who was her first boyfriend but actually didn’t mean anything to her.
I talked to her aunt about it, who knows everything about her life. She told me that she feels nothing for this guy and that she really never met this guy ever again after that. She also told me that she is very obsessed with me that she would never do anything like this ever in the relationship and I can truly see that she loves me so does her aunt.
She also told me that she was always very monogamous in every relationship she had and would never ever do something. As she is and was talking about me all time time with her since she met me. She is telling her whole family that she wants to marry me one day. That she wants to have my kids. Also introduced me to her mother. Who she never introduced to anyone before me.
The confession actually came after she started to tell her whole family about marrying me and setting dates to introduce me to them. She is very determined now to show me that i can trust her. She confessed me all about two weeks ago. For an entire week she was crying and having panic attacks all the time, as she was really regretting what she had done and was afraid that I was gonna leave her what I actually was in the beginning then I decided to give her a second chance. Now she is just sad and afraid that I will never be able to trust her but she keeps saying that we belong together and how much I mean for her.
Also happens to be that I have a common friend with this guy, he actually really is very bad with women and a total weirdo what would justify the things she said about him. I could also just ask for the truth.
What would you do in my case? I am crazy in love with her. I still truly believe she is a nice person.
TLDR: Me and my gf were as close as were are now from very early on. She used to sleep at my place spend whole day with me. During this time she says she went to meet an old friend to catch up with him at his place. who she then kissed because she felt bad for him, as he confessed his love for her and how his whole life went shit since they broke up at 13 (he was her first boyfriend).
11 comments
It’s understandable to feel hurt and betrayed, but try to remember that everyone makes mistakes. If you love her and want to make it work, focus on rebuilding trust and moving forward together.
Do you really think that she kissed that guy because she “felt bad for him”?
I’d have a tough time forgiving her because she lied to you repeatedly about it before she began (possibly) lying about it even once she told you.
What is the duration of your relationship?
While I can’t speak to your experience or what exactly she told you, I can tell you that it is very untrue that it’s always possible to block a kiss. Whether from being surprised and not reacting until you realized, or by physical force, or even fear of physical force. Women are also often pressured to be “nice” to the point it overrules their comfort and what they actually want. It truly could be a combination of feeling bad for him (so feeling the pressure to avoid outright refusing) and being worried about what would happen if she said no.
She also may have hidden it for that long out of shame and feeling like she should have stopped him even if it wasn’t possible or was risky. A lot of victims of sexual assault even more severe feel that way.
The question is whether you believe her. If you don’t believe her, there’s really two possibilities. That means either you don’t trust her and feel like she might do this again, and lack of trust erodes relationships, or you don’t believe her and she’s getting the truth and that means she would be in a relationship with someone that doesn’t believe her experience of being taken advantage of.
This is a tough one dude. People lie. People make mistakes. We are all human. Did you two discuss being monogamous prior to this happening? If not I think what she did was wrong lying to you about it but she didn’t do anything wrong in the sense of your relationship. I think you two can work through this. But you have to make a choice. Either work through it or let it go. Don’t keep holding it over her head to make her feel bad cause it sounds like she’s already getting defensive by saying it’s because she thought you were a player. If you decide to work through it you have to ask her to be completely transparent about the situation and anything else so it doesn’t randomly come up again and you’re blindsided.
Bro women don’t kiss guys because they feel bad for them.
If they did, I’d have trouble walking outside, as every woman within eyesight would want to kiss me LOL. If you can look past it, cool. If you can’t, get outta there.
nah fam its a wrap.
she is a nice person that cheats on you. she isnt ur girl she is our girl.
doesnt matter if the guy is weird.
can u get a bj from a weird girl?
Would she kiss a dude now because she felt bad for them? Or let them grab her boobs? It’s weird dude.
Damn dude she’s gaslighting the shit out of you. I’m sorry that’s happening. Bail she is probably lying about only kissing as well
I don’t really agree that she absolutely could have blocked it – she could have been too stunned to react at first, for instance, and then later justified it to herself as feeling bad for him. Women are conditioned to be compliant, after all. But this sounds kinda like trickle truthing to me.
If you want to continue with her, if I was in your shoes and decided to give her a chance I’d let her know your trust in her is now damaged and may will take time to restore. She’ll need to willing to work at repairing that trust (what that means is for you to decide). Also she has to be aware and understand, if she lies to you again it’s over.