My boyfriend and I have already been living together for a few months already in a different state but my parents do not know about this. However, I have to move back in closer to home due to a job and will be staying in my grandparents old condo that my mom now owns. We would be paying my mom rent. However, my parents are against living together until we get married. I am worried as well that my mom will say that it seems that our relationship is moving quick even though we have known each other for 3 years. I just think it would be more convenient for me for us to live and my grandparents old house, however because of this I feel that my mom will state that it is her house her rules even though she will not be living there. My boyfriend would rather stay at the condo too versus getting our own apartment due to cheaper rent because he still has to pay the mortgage for his house even though he is moving with me. This has been causing a lot of strain in our relationship because he says that I am a grown adult I can do as I please, but it is not exactly like that when my mom is the landlord. I am not sure how to convince my parents, my dad is pretty religious which is why I think that he doesn’t believe in living together before marriage. Not sure my moms reasoning, but my parents did not live together until they got married. It is too expensive these days to live without your so or a roommate.
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**tl;dr**: My parents are against my boyfriends and I living together, but we will need to because of moving and housing expenses.
11 comments
What would happen if you told your parents that you’ve already been living together and you feel their old-fashioned values are out of date for you? It seems like if you want to be treated as an adult, you need to take steps to make them see you that way.
If you want to live together, do so, but you can’t make your parents like it, or treat you nicely while it happens.
If you want to live in the condo, you likely will be subject to your parents’ whims. While it may be a good deal financially, only you and your boyfriend can decide if the conditions are acceptable. You may need to live in a cheaper place, together, until he can lease his home or sell it. While the condo may be appealing for the financial arrangement, it sounds like it comes with too many strings attached.
>I am worried as well that my mom will say
The expectation of the bad thing is almost always worse than the actual bad thing.
You are no longer going to be able to hide your live in boyfriend from them. That adventure has gone on as long as it can. Sooooo don’t. Delaying this revelation is causing some undue stress.
Tell your mom and dad you intend to move into the condo with your boyfriend. And then brace for impact. When the dust settles, you’ll have two outcomes: either mom lets you rent the condo, or she does not.
If she does not, you can go back to your boyfriend and say the condo’s not an option oh well, time for plan B.
Well, either you live by yourself in your parents’ subsidized condo and the BF gets his own place, or you and your BF get your own place together. Your parents own the property; they get to make the rules.
You can respectfully ask if you can live in the condo with him, but I’d be prepared to get a different apartment if she says no. Perhaps your ability to handle a no like an adult but hold your ground and be willing to take care of it yourself will help your parents see you as an adult
I would ask your mom. Tell her that you and your boyfriend will be living together, as you already have been, and that if she doesn’t want that to happen in the condo that you will be forced to get another place with him. She’s being silly, and hopefully she will come to her senses and realize that you’re going to live together whether she likes it or not, but don’t let her have power over you.
> I am a grown adult I can do as I please, but it is not exactly like that when my mom is the landlord.
I’m with your bf.
You are a big girl. You don’t need to live in your family’s condo as long as they want control over you. Get your own place and live with your bf like you want. At 29 you do not need to hide your boyfriend or your personal choices from your parents.
>he still has to pay the mortgage for his house even though he is moving with me.
This seems straight up stupid
my parents didn’t want me living with my bf yet here we are three years later lol
There’s a risk if you ignore your parents wish, they might partially disown you. Also if you’ve been dating for 3 years you should want commitment in marriage. Don’t want to be the many women out there who dated one guy for 5+ years and get broken up with. The older we get the harder it is to find a good partner