My bf(21m) and I(19f) have been dating for about 5 months now and things seem really good. But I’ve recently been reevaluating things and I’m not sure I’m doing my share. We hang out alot and it’s pretty much always at his place, when we go on dates he always plans them and pays for them too, he even does alot of other nice things for me too, helps me with school (he’s way smarter than me), puts gas in my car, buys me clothes and a bunch of other things. All of that stuff is great and I love it, but in all the time we’ve been dating he’s only ever asked me for the time to hangout and to go on dates. I feel like there should atleast be some give and take and with him it’s all give on his part and I’m just kinda soaking it all up.
I haven’t told him about any of this and I’m not really sure how to either, he seems really happy just like I was and has never mentioned me doing anymore than I already do. The thing is he’s one of those guys that just isn’t really bothered by much, like the world could end tomorrow and he would be like “oh well” and just not be concerned so I’m not sure how to approach this or even if I should?
tl;dr my bf does loads of things for me and I do virtually nothing for him.
3 comments
Approaching this as a practical problem… have you heard of the concept of “love languages”? The basic idea is that people have different ways that they want love to be given to them (the basic list is: words of affirmation, quality time, receiving gifts, acts of service, and physical touch). Sounds to me like you need to find his love language, so you have a better handle on what sort of gesture will please him best. From the sound of things he’s fished out how to make you happy!
There are online couples quizzes you two can take that might give hints. Or heck, you could just ask him… “hey, what are the things I do that you like?”; and lean into those.
ask him if there is more you can do. Some people really enjoy taking care of someone else and this guy has a head start on you because he’s a few years older.
But you can ask. And of course you can also do small nice things like pick up a snack that he really likes. I’m sure you can think of something.
I think communicating is the most important bit here, but if you’re worried to talk to him about it, it may he a question of wording.
You don’t necessarily need to come up to him and say you don’t think you’re doing enough in the relationship and want to know what to do. Do it a little more gently, like the next time he does something nice for you, ask him jokingly what he’d like as a thank you, or offer him things you immediately think you might be able to do. Can you cook? Offer to make him something. Is your place comfortable? Invite him over more often. See what his response to that is.