So, I don’t really know whether this is overreacting or not. My boyfriend and I have been together for a year and we are very normal and boring.
However, lately I just feel like the relationship is very one sided. He tells me he loves me and he does make sacrifices if I ask him to, but he never initiates anything.
He still lives with his parents because he is still studying and they don’t allow him to sleep over at my apartment.
So whenever we hangout it’s mostly at his house. In the beginning it was fun and I would spontaneously stop by, however lately I started to calculate how much I spend on him vs. him on me. And I’m spending way more than him.
So recently I’ve started doing less. Calling less, stopping by less but I want to know whether this is the right call? Or should I talk to him about it? And if so, how?
4 comments
This relationship is over
Weird his parents “don’t allow” him to stay over because he’s an adult and can make his own decisions. If he isn’t making sacrifices to the betterment of you both then I’d considered. Y’all might be boring because it’s convenient. Have either talked about a future with each other? Moving in?
>I started to calculate how much I spend on him vs. him on me.
-It’s over. You’ve made your relationship transactional. He’ll sacrifice for you but because you ask him to and not because he thinks of it on his own. So the sacrifice isn’t enough? He’s still in school. He’s studying to get a good job to I assume support a family one day. You decided he doesn’t do enough for you, you fucking calculated how much you spent on each other, and then had the audacity, based on him not spending enough I’m sure, to just slow motion ghost him instead of having an adult conversation about this? Please let this guy go so he can find someone who isn’t so cold and believes relationships are based on keeping track of who does/spends more, WHILE THE OTHER PERSON IS STILL IN COLLEGE. Ugh so selfish and entitled.
While it is understanding to want to feel cherished by the same way you cherish your partner (calls, gifts, spend the energy to drive to you/do things…), it will never be 50/50. You are on the way, or already do, to resent your bf for this. You decided to hold back to force him to change, even if it means talking to him less, seeing him less. You withdraw yourself. You didn’t seek a conversation with him. You tried to punish him “if he doesn’t do this, why should i always do this?!”.
But you should also be true to yourself: Your expectations to an relationship – he won’t fullfill. That he can’t even spend the night with you in your apartment. Do you really want to never live together before wedding and then realize that you are an awful match because he never learned any housework and expect you to do everything?
You are already so unhappy and frustrated. Do you think this will get better soon? The honeymoon phase is over. Now it needs work of you both.