Can 33f and 37m go to just sex from situationship?

10 comments

1. You can. But he will eventually get a girlfriend and stop talking to you, just so you know.

2. Definitely. Just be up front and be willing to walk away if he doesn’t agree.

3. Personally, I think you should just move on.

   Sex isn’t that hard to find if that’s all you are looking for. Why not have it with someone who might have some potential, rather than someone who you have at least some feelings for but has already made it clear they don’t want more.

   I don’t see how it won’t grind at your self-esteem…

   … but, I mean, sure. I guess you can ask for just sex.

4. Communication is key. Have an open and honest conversation about what you both want and expect from this new arrangement.

5. You can ask for whatever you want. He could say no in which case that’s the end. But it’s going to end eventually anyway so you aren’t risking much.

6. Kinda sounds like you want to give an ultimatum without giving an ultimatum.

   Well, you can say something like “if you want to do things that couples do (phone calls, dates, meeting friends, etc) then we need to be a couple. Otherwise just keep it to the physical.” Maybe say you’ll start getting attached if you do couple things, and you don’t want to get attached if it’s not a possibility.

7. You can always ask. Though it’s a tad puzzling if you’re after a full relationship in your life that you’d limit your ability to find one by remaining in a comfortable but unfulfilling fwb situation that would, by explicit design, literally be going nowhere.

   I guess I’m also curious if this comfortable steady healthy sex life thing is purely your goal here in this renegotiation or rather you trying to hurt him the way he hurt you. Like he took away the emotional closeness and commitment you wanted in this relationship so you’re taking away the dates, friends, phone calls that he wants.

8. So main post is missing info: he wants kids, you already have kids and are done. Both fair stances but dragging this out the whole time when you were always lifestyle incompatible is stupid (imo) on both your parts. Each one of you was probably hoping the other one would come around.

   I think situationships aren’t really good for anyone if long-term relationships are the end goal. It means using another person as a placeholder until a better, more compatible person shows up. Meanwhile, no one is actively looking because sex & affection is covered, but neither is getting what they really want- a compatible long-term relationship.

   FWB is a totally different category. Sometimes they totally work! Only if there are REALLY NO FEELINGS INVOLVED. But moving from one category that was already long-term incompatibility where some kind of feeling was involved in order to downgrade further?

   Cut ties and move on.

9. Yea of course you can. What is he gonna do, sue you?

   Tell him that you realized, and you both seem to have realized, that you want more from each other because you are ALREADY doing more, together.

   Tell him that as it stands, you’re putting each other in a place where you both can get hurt because you commit bigger and bigger pieces of your body, mind, and soul to this person – and biology doesn’t stop, even if your logical mind wants to.

   As a result, you can’t continue as is. You need to slow way down and reduce contact, because committing your time without making the choice of commitment is irresponsible and hurtful, which makes it impossible for you (or him) to end up satisfied with that scenario.

   I personally do not think you should keep having sex with him though.

10. U can do whatever u want but the more time u spend with him the less u have for someone else.