My husband (36m) and I (38f) have been together about 12 years. When we met it was amazing. I enjoyed every second we spent together. We took things slow and didn’t move in together until we’ll after a year of dating. We ended up having a baby shortly after that. I had a kid from a previous relationship already. But things changed so quickly and now I don’t even know what’s what anymore.
Damn. I don’t even know how to do this. How to write this… bare with me..
Basically he lied to me about using porn. Gaslit me for over a year calling me every name in the book when I would ask about his porn use.
I then found out that he was having an emotional affair with another girl for months.
He used to flirt with other women right in from of me, completely ignoring that I even existed.
Suffice to say, I can’t trust him. Even though this was years ago. He never made any effort to earn my trust back. Basically wanted me to just forgive and forget.
Well i can’t. I don’t trust him. And I’m so sad because he was my best friend. But now I am alone and he is completely apathetic toward me.
I don’t know what to do. There is so much more but it’s complicated to write and I’m sure no one cares any way. I’m just at a loss and needed to get it out. Maybe this isn’t the right sub. IDK.
4 comments
I’m sorry. I’m in a similar situation but my husband is leaving. He literally has no feelings towards me. It’s pretty hard to see how someone you have loved for 17 years can just have no regard for your feelings. I imagine it feels the same way as not being able to trust this. Adulting is bullshit. Marriage is hard.
I’ve started by reading books that can help me heal in life.
At this point he’s not shown an ounce of remorse for any of his actions. He disrespects you at every level and treats you terribly. He’s checked out. I’m going to bet you find out he’s either cheating again or never stopped cheating. Just got better hiding it. Remember you only know about the instances you caught him at. Don’t be surprised to learn there are more you don’t.
We care . We’re here for you. He could be a porn addict. You need to have help to heal from your betrayal. You can’t forgive and forget like that. He needs to be remorseful and transparent in his actions. Can you get counseling? Both for yourself and for your relationship?
Sometimes you DO have to forgive…even though the person doesn’t deserve it…as I got older, I’ve realized forgiveness takes that weight off of your own heart. But you don’t have to forget.