I feel so let down whenever I try to plan activities with my boyfriend. We stay together and We’ve both been gaining weight, I’ve been encouraging him to workout with me or do sports together, 9 times out of 10 he won’t be keen. Meanwhile, he would stay back after office hours for 5 hours to play pool with his colleagues. I am okay with that because it is something that he likes to do, I just find it unfair that when it comes to me 30 mins is all you got. I know I am being emotional around this, so I appreciate if someone can rationally talk me through this feeling.
Edit: I mentioned 30 mins because today we finally played badminton but only for 30 mins, although I asked him to play for an hour.
6 comments
Does he like playing sports or being active?
how long have you been together? when you “stay together”, what do you all do? Watch tv? sit around? As someone who has been to therapy, one thing I learned from that is that couples must do “projects together.” Could be planning a trip, fixing something in the dwelling, researching something to buy, etc. I don’t think there are enough details on the post, but if he has enough time to spend with his buddies, there must be an activity that he must enjoy doing with you. If he is not putting the time for that, you got another problem here.
I’m confused.
He doesn’t play pool after work everyday, right? So you see him all the other days since you live together? Do you ever make plans to do something other than workout? Maybe he just doesn’t want to work out?
I’m not really understanding where this “30 min” thing is coming from.
He is not prioritizing you. I would say something to him first and try to work it out. If it doesn’t work, I would let him go. Get yourself and fighting shape again and go out in the world and enjoy yourself. If it’s that important to him and fix it if it’s not, he won’t.
You’re not being needy, or selfish, or unreasonable, if you want a partner who likes spending time with you and doing things you want to do.
I mean, your feeling is valid, and so is his desire to hang out at work.
Can you just tell him that lately you feel like you’re not spending enough quality time together, and would like to prioritize planning some more activities. And then sort out a schedule together?
It’s not the pool that’s the problem, it’s that your needs aren’t being met. And it’s easy to feel like he’s prioritize others but not you.