So, I’m seeing this guy, who’s super sweet and I like to hang out with him. I don’t want to stop seeing him but I don’t know how to make the sex better.
He’s also very sweet in bed. I love it on one hand, but on the other, it doesn’t get me over the edge 🙁 I’m struggling to finish and I think he’s picked up on that too. He asked me what he could do to make it better for me, but I also know he’s a very different experience to the guys I had before, and there’s just no way to emulate my previous experiences which feel “right” in my mind.
I used to have pretty emotional-roller-coaster and disrespectful sex. Dirty talk, manhandling each other and struggling against each other, power dynamics, rough play etc. He is absolutely into none of that and I’m too embarrassed to even ask him, I know from our conversations that many of these things are out of his comfort zone.
I also know I had pretty mentally unhealthy sex and relationships, and I want to rewire to something gentler and healthier.
Basically, my issue isn’t how to get him to be rough with me, but rather how can I enjoy something new and gentler?
(No shame on people with rougher preferences, but I know that for me personally, this is the healthier route. My sex life reflected my relationship problems and I no longer want to be devoured by someone in and out of the bedroom. I’ve had my rough fun, and I need something that will work with a gentle guy now.)
2 comments
Part of what can make gentle sex so great is the intense emotional intimacy. Passionate kissing and eye contact, soothing caresses and body kisses everywhere. There are aspects of gentle sex that can be extremely pleasureable and deeply connecting for 2 people.
If this guy is just a FWB, maybe that intimacy isn’t something you two quite share, or want to share. I think what I’m getting at here is that if you are in love with someone (gentle/healthy for you) who’s in love with you, you will easily find ways to have a fantastic time having sex.
Maybe these things you are able to try with your FWB, I don’t know. If you feel comfortable being more vulnerable with him, go for it!
Have you thought about thing like positional aids to make it hit a little more intensely? That can be a pillow under the bum, or a cheap sex wedge from amazon.
You could also look into gentle domination techniques with him. Bite your lip and ask him “can you make it hurt a little please?” Make it a more praise based.
I also may be a good idea to do a couples quiz with him. Mojo Upgrade or Sexionnaire.com. Their might be some naughty things he’d be into.