To the men of Reddit, if a guy says he doesn’t think or fantasize about a female, why might he have a long list of attributes that he finds attractive about her? I mean, wouldn’t having an extensive list of why you’re attracted to someone take some thought to put together?

14 comments

1. Did he have a long list, or did he come up with the list because someone asked him?

2. That’s not necessarily difficult to improv, no

3. I have no idea. Sounds weird…maybe ask that dude

4. Don’t women do this all the time about each other all without fantasizing about them?

   I mean, if he volunteers a long list of things, that’s sus. But if you press him and he comes up with stuff… that seems reasonable.

   Here’s an idea: stop picking fights.

   I’ll settle it now: Men in relationships often find other women attractive. Deal with it.

5. I can find a woman really attractive without thinking of her all the time… and I can’t recall ever really fantasizing about any woman. As for your second question, it doesn’t really take very long to know various attributes of someone that might be attractive. I could pull that together in a couple seconds, physically, and in one personal interaction where we were engaging, for everything else. Doesn’t mean I think about her or fantasize about her.

6. Recognizing traits you are commonly attracted to is far different than fantasizing about them.

7. Just realized my initial question might be kinda confusing. For some more detail, I was hanging out with my guy friend who is super shy around women. I brought up a mutual friend I thought would be a good match for him and asked if he thought she was pretty. He said yes but that he hadn’t really thought about her, yet he had a pretty big list of things he thought were attractive about her. So I guess I’m just wondering if that could be a sign that he might actually be into her?

8. I can tell you why a Lamborghini is a beautiful car. I can give you an exhaustive list why any one of their models might be a masterpiece of engineering.

   I do not fantasize about owning one.

   OP it sounds like you need to step away and self reflect because this whole question tells me you struggle with either trust or self confidence or both. Which is ok. Many people struggle with this throughout their life. Just take a breather and think on yourself.

   Just because I can appreciate does not mean I wish to have.

9. It depends on the girl, but it sounds like..

   He is trying to get you to qualify to him.

   I care about how you make me feel. Attraction is important, but how do I feel around you.

   Is your energy positive and clean? Are you feminine?

   Otherwise, just my opinion but us guys are less picky than you imagine.

   I don’t care about your bra size. But please work on being fit, healthy, positive, have goals and have fun with me.

   Don’t let his list hurt your confidence. In reality, if he showed this or hinted it or made sure you heard, chances are he likes you. And he’ll dump that list if you two are compatible.

   It’s not that we are desperate to get laid (some are) but that we play hard to get too.

   Regardless if you like him or not, just know most top tier guys are looking for 7.5-8.5 women with the intrinsic traits. And of course, you need to be on the same level or close. But Fuck your imperfections. We all have them.

   Not sure if I helped or missed the point totally, but create your list if don’t like him. Let him hear it.

   I care about the inside just a tad bit more than the outside, but both are important.

   You can feel when someone is on your level attraction wise. It’s unmistakable. Then just get to know them. If the above it there, I’ve never seen it not work. But take your time, spend a few weeks, then ask him out if he’s the one or make it obvious to him and easy for him to do it.

   LOL I feel like I went on the wrong tangent, but maybe someone will find value.

10. He’s trying not to hurt feelings.

11. I could give a list of traits I like, but I pretty much never fantasize about women, it’s just not something I do

12. Validation and appreciation don’t always require attraction.

    Think of how attractive and desirable it makes you feel knowing that men you aren’t interested in are interested in you.

    I enjoy talking to attractive women a lot because it feels good to have objectively desirable women treating me as If I am charming and attractive. I do this often without fantasizing about them. Often I just don’t want the drama or hassle of being involved with them and I never even consider the thought of being with them at all.

13. This is like literally the same thing as when girls friendzoning the nice guy. He meets all her stated requirements of boyfriend, but she still doesn’t want _him_ as her boyfriend, for reasons she’s not willing to say to his face.

14. Could be the type that fantasizes about himself in relation to his SO.