My wife and I have a wonderful long term relationship, loving and fulfilling. The issue is our very different libido levels. I believe that a couple should allow for a total range of experience (as long as no one is being hurt) and she has a restrictive set of boundaries and rules (no porn, only certain toys, no butts, most often oral/rare intercourse, light feathery touch, only touch me here/not there, etc). Our sex life has become a very vanilla, very consistently unsatisfying affair. I would love some suggestions to get us onto the same path, but at this stage of life, feel like I either have to live with a loving unsatisfying relationship or blow things up. I’m at wits ends.
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For me (55F), it was a trust issue. In our early marriage I didn’t trust my husband not to hurt me emotionally, so I set a lot of boundaries. When I learned to trust him and started allowing myself to totally let go, our sex life went through the roof. He still has the higher libido, but it really doesn’t matter. For me, the real joy of sex is providing that pleasure for my husband, and I’m always in the mood for that.