I guess it’s the cliché:
I got to know him, he didn’t want anything serious and stated that in the beginning, I was ok with that at first but then caught feelings and started to carefully ask him about commitment and occasionally explained my feelings without fully standing up for myself and he therefore started to say things like „he just can’t“ and it „is just the wrong time“ and he „isn’t ready to commit“ etc.
So I stupidly waited around and let him benefit from me and my feelings while hurting and hoping inside and even cutting contact for three times but then starting things all over again because I naively thought things had changed this time (clichéeeeeee).
And now here I am still wounded even though it has been a year since he told me he now had started dating another girl and things are serious with her.
The worst feeling is the shame I guess. For letting someone treat me that way, for treating myself that way, for still feeling wounded right now even though it didn’t really have any meaning for him and therefore it shouldn’t and is not allowed to have meaning for me as well, right? It shouldn’t take up anymore space in my life and it definitely shouldn’t influence my well-being and my thoughts before sleeping.
Yeah, but here I am and it still fucking does.
I know I need to be nicer to myself. It is just so hard to feel accordingly and overcome the shame and embrace the feelings I have as something valid.
Maybe you guys understand and feel me.