So me [M18] and my college gf [F18] starting to have sex, as most college couples do. Its both our first time. We had a fun weekend, where her roommate was out of town, and we got to the point where we were both completely naked in her room. And I’ve heard loads of stuff about not being selfish in bed, so I wanted to finger her (she didn’t want me to do oral) so that she would be having fun and so on and so forth. However, after just rubbing her vulva/clit a bit, I tried to put my finger inside her, but she said it hurt. I was pretty shocked by this, I was only using one finger and stuff, but of course I stopped. However thats made me a little worried for how to proceed with stuff like that. We tested my pinky, and she said that didn’t hurt much, but I still want to be able to finger her without hurting. And of course, I also want to have sex with her, and my penis is bigger than my fingers (I know, what a brag), but I don’t want to hurt her. We agreed to test it more in the future but idk how to proceed. I also do want to make her cum, so if I can do more without going inside her that would also be helpful.
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Well first thing was she wet? Because as guys our perception of wetness is vary different from womens perception of wet and horny. Next time try having her masturbate infront of you showing how she does it. Feel how she likes it and feel her oussy to see how wet it is that way you know what is a sufficient wetness level going forward.
Keep working on fingering. At her age most young women have never put anything in their vaginas except maybe a tampon. Be patient and work on 1 finger, up to 2.
Sometimes having an orgasm can help loosen things up. Does she have a vibrator? If not, get some good lube and rub her clitoris with your finger until she comes.
Just fingering her clitoris should lead to an O for her. Tho, not a single girl likes it the same way. So you’ll need to try a few things.
The first time, you need to understand that it’s an invasion of the female body, so it will make her feel a bit full initially. Wait to start moving. Let her get acclimated to the new sensation. She may feel a burning sensation initially as well.
Do not try this if she isn’t wet or lubricated enough.
Note also that sex for women is an acquired taste, it’s not the all-mighty thing all the movies are showing, in the beginning. She will need to learn how to make it pleasurable with you, whereas men experience orgasm easily, we do not. Gl and what ever you do, be respectful and take your time!
Step 1 is making sure you are taking your time. If her body is not ready it won’t be comfortable.
Second, she could have some anxiety if she isn’t ready.
My advice is take your time. Make out naked and let her get comfortable and ash her when she is ready.
The way to make sex less / not painful is to get rid of anxiety. Completely, if possible. So before you move up to penetration you should be doing stuff like dry humping, making out, getting off that way, hand stuff WITHOUT penetration. She needs to associate you with pleasure, not pain, way before you or anyone penetrates her for the first time, especially if she hasn’t done it herself.
Rule of thumb, while it’s not universal, generally you will give a woman much, much more pleasure by making small, slower, and lighter circles (than you think) on her clit than you will by fingering her at all. If and when she wants more pressure she will tell you, but everything down there is much more sensitive than our dicks, we guys often overestimate what it takes. Or have seen one too many videos full of bad sex and overacting.
I know it’s cliché advice but just go slow. Start with lots of making out and naked fooling around and gradually do more and more with your fingers. Ask her frequently about what feels good and when you find something she really enjoys keep doing exactly that.
Also, savor every moment of what’s happening. I still cherish my memories of being 18, in love for the first time and starting to become physically intimate with my first girlfriend.
I strongly recommend using lube so that you take the pressure off her to be wet enough- the moment we start worrying about getting wet, we dry up. Go really slow. In fact, don’t even worry about the hole at first til you get to know her clit. If she masturbates she’ll be able to show you how she does it. If she doesn’t masturbate then it probably won’t be possible to pleasure her or have sex with her.
Lots of lube. I use organic Coconut oil…. It’s good and slick, but also water soluble, and taste good. Available at Walmart in the baking isle.
You may need to slowly progress up to penetration. Use lots of lube. She may also need to do some work on her own such as with dialators. If there is ongoing pain even when turned on, she should see a gynecologist to discuss vaginismus.
Fingering can be super uncomfortable if she isnt aroused or relaxed enough. Its better to focus on making out and gentle touches, and gentle touches around her clit and vulva, before you try inserting anything even a finger.
At least 30 minutes of foreplay. Kissing, touching/kissing her body everywhere, playing with her nipples, and so on.
Saliva of lube as needed.
Most women won’t cum from fingering alone, the clit is where it’s at.
She might just not be confident about you giving her oral, maybe she just needs reassurance. Ask her what bothers her. If it’s smell/taste related she can wash up in the shower and it won’t taste bad. Just don’t be too pushy if she doesn’t want.