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I (17F) was in a relationship with a guy (18F) two month ago. It was a long distance relationship.
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As always, I didn’t think before going out with him, I thought I loved another guy\[17M\] at this time, and I know I shouldn’t have a relationship with him. But because I was dumb, and I searched affection, I started to go out with him. It lasted maybe less than one month because It was enough and the love he has to me made me feel weird. Also, with the guy I thought I loved, our relation was closer. I know I did shit
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So I broke up with him, that was weird, I kind of loved him but at the same time he made me feel weird and insecure. After that, I talked to him, but less than before, and he blackmailed me (told me that since I broke up with him, He didn’t eat, that he wanted to die…), so I talked more to him, sometime I didn’t since I have to study (I’m still in High school).
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When I didn’t answer quickly or when I didn’t answer kindly to his message (when I was angry and stuff, and I told him before when I was not able to speak kindly to him) he just make a crisis and tell me I don’t care about him. At this time, I started to think that I didn’t really love the guy I was into before, I started to consider him as a really close friend (and let’s call him S.) and I really started to like my ex in a romantic point of view, so I made me feel awful, and he made me cry or think about death several times (I’m a very dramatic and irrational person when I’m on stressful things like that)
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3 weeks ago, I wanted to make a break because I just couldn’t continue with him. He sent me many messages to tell me I’m the wife of his life, that he couldn’t continue with me, that kind of stuff. I also learn that he talked with S, about how I was and stuff. I stopped the break since I was as bad as before, and I loved him (and I didn’t think at all).
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So like 2 weeks ago, I talked with a friend of mine \[17F\] (who is a friend of him too) and a good friend of him \[20F I guess\], because I was really depressed about him. His close friend talked to him, and he didn’t make any crisis for like one week, Ig ?
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After that, I keep saying to him that although I have feeling for him, I DO NOT want to experience any kind of romantic relation with anyone, him included.
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Yesterday he told me he wanted to be with me all the time, that he is jealous of many of my friends (because I was hanging out with some these days) and I said to him that the relation was toxic and that I can’t handle the fact that he “loves” me too much. After that, we had a long conversation that some of my friend thinks toxic. He told that he doesn’t have any friends if I’m gone (That’s false since he had many online friends and I know he went to some high school parties) and that if I’m gone he is nothing, that kind of stuff. He also said that he can’t change if I’m not here, but also that He doesn’t want to change, and it’ll be my fault if he doesn’t change. I decided to stop talking to him.
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After that, he left the group with his online friends and me. I’m afraid for him, but I know that it could just be blackmail. I know he is mentally bad, but he doesn’t want to be helped, since he always makes excuses to do not go to a therapist.
Me, I worry about him, but I think he was maybe more obsessed with me than I thought. Like :
\- He wanted to be in the same town as me for Uni (before that he wanted to be in a closer town)
\- He wanted to be in the same uni as S, who is a really close friend
\- When I made a break with him, he talked with S, I don’t have the screen so S could tell me something false, but he just always said to S that he loves me, that I had to stop the break, that kind of stuff. (He told me that he was talking with S about how was I)
\- I know he was like this with one of his ex.
I keep persuading myself that that is just me, and I extrapolate all these things.
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So yeah, I don’t know what to do, and I’m afraid to talk again to him, or that he blackmails me IRL if we go in the same town next year (He knows what uni I wanted to be on and that’s the only uni in my country that provide that study).
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TDLR : My ex is obsessed by me, our relation lasted less than one month, I stopped to talk to him yesterday, so now I’m afraid about what will go on in the future for him and for me.
3 comments
Block. Block. And repeat. His well being is not your job. His behaviour is not acceptable.
Your post is very hard to comprehend so I don’t have any advice for the bulk of it.
>since I broke up with him, He didn’t eat, that he wanted to die…
My comment is just to tell you that anyone who threatens harming themselves (especially as a method to control you) should be blocked ASAP.
It is not your responsibility.
If you are able to then: (1) let their family and friends know. (2) let the police know to do a wellness check if they threaten immediate self harm. (3) let YOUR friends and family know what happened – you should have your own safety team ready to prevent any attempts at reconnecting.
Do not return to a relationship with anyone who has tried to manipulate you in this fashion. It is a form of abuse and can lead to further abusive behaviour.
ETA: I see he’s also attempting to isolate you from your friends, which is another common abuse tactic. Please cut all contact with this person ASAP
I am pushing 50 now but this sounds like me at 18. Totally inexperienced, totally irrational over losing a woman but subjectively it is a really devastating experience when young and highly insecure.
Really, the best thing you can do is cut all communication. Any communication tends to bring some hope to the person’s mind that they are slightly winning you back. Let people in your life know what is going on just in the case he becomes dangerous. At 17, I would let my parents decide if further action should be taken as far as him and self harm.