My ex-best friend is pissed she wasn’t my maid of honor.

My “best” friend and I have been friends since we were 13/14. We’ve stayed friends for a long time (now in our early 30s) and we’ve had our ups and downs. Ive always been there to support her as my friend even if she didnt always make great decisions. I’ve been there for her thru ups and downs (break ups, family emergencies, etc) and have always been a spot for her to run to if things ever got bad.

She however hasnt always been the greatest friend to me in return. In college we made some mutual friends who played some pretty mean “pranks” on me and she didnt really apologize for them or stick up for me until I called her out (one of them was I was waiting for 2 hours for them to show up and they texted me saying they were in a car accident and one of them was bleeding and going to the hospital. They showed up about 10 miunets later saying it was a prank.)

(As someone whose mother passed away due to an accident this was NOT funny to me. At all. It was cruel, completely disrespectful, and not okay.)

She only apologized (after I yelled at her) and things have moved on since. But these were the level of “pranks” she pulled.

When year 2020 happened things hit the fan in my life even outside of the pandemic. (I received a career ending injury AT WORK and could barely walk, I was wrongly fired from my job as a result, my health insurance was taken away, I could barely pay for my rent or food let alone my hospital bills (*cries in american*) and right in the middle of all of that my dad suddenly became ill with a rare and uncurable form of brain cancer and went missing/was hospitalized/ and nearly died. My family was imploding on itself– everyone was fighting not only over COVID political crap but over my dad getting sick, too.

I was insanely stressed out. I dont think I have ever been so stressed out before. I wasnt eating, I hadnt slept in weeks into months, I was breaking out in hives and rashes because of all the stress and panick attacks. I ended up going to the doctor because I was hardly functioning because of sleep deprivation.

My “best friend” texted me she was sorry to hear what I was going through and if I needed anything to just ask. I took her up on it… Due to her living closer to my family I asked her to pick up a grocery order and drop it off at my dads place because he could no longer legally drive. She is very familiar with ny family and see her as an extra daughter.

I got zero response from her, and she never picked up the groceries. Would not return my call or text but months later she texts me on my birthday just a, “happy birthday”!

Right during the most stressful time in my life where I needed my best friend, where I needes support (a shoulder to cry on, someone to maybe pick me up some dinner, or take me on a drive to try and de-stress) she decided to ghost me. Never came over, never called or asked how I was doing after her equivalent of a, “thoughts and prayers!!!” Text.

So on top of all of the other drama I was dealing with she throws in processing the grief of losing a best friend, too.

Fast forward 2.5 to 3 years I’ve since gotten married, my dad is alive and overall doing well post craniotomy and chemotherapy all things considering, I switched careers.

I also went to therapy twice to process the last 3 years.

My ex-best friend reaches out and wants to start communicating again because I removed her from all forms of social media, blocked her phone number, and she saw a photo (somehow) of my wedding and the maid of honor was NOT her. She was “offended” by it because in her mind she thought we were still friends.

She literally ghosted me for 3 years. Like, you knew my dad got sick and told me to reach out if I needed anything. I do and it was crickets, zero support. We knew each other for 15 years and even if she felt like ahe couldnt handle what I was going through she should have said something so I at least know I cant go to her for support.

I spent a ton of money therapy grieving the loss of my friendship and now that I have processed it and moved on… she wants back in and is even upset that I moved on.

*UPDATE*
Thank you to everyone who messaged. I’ve receive some really helpful comments (I was expecting some hate but I’m pleasantly surprised lol). I was upset because of the audacity this friend had to seriously expect me to still welcome her with open arms after everything. She was under the assumption that we just “lost contact” and just didn’t talk for awhile like an old friend you lose touch with but dont stop being friends.

I have told her off. She didnt take it well.

And I really dont care lol.

Thank you again for commenting!

31 comments

  1. Why is this an issue.
    Why are you talking to her.
    Block her on everything and move on

  2. Don’t let her back into your life. She has shown you who she is. Block her don’t even explain anything to her. She’s delusional to think she should have been your maid of honor.

  4. “You and I have a very different definition of ‘friends’. But congratulations by ghosting me for 3 years you have been promoted to ‘stranger’. Now it just requires the same amount of effort you’ve been putting into this friendship so far.”

  6. I wouldn’t respond. If you do, tell her that when you needed her most she wasn’t there. She ghosted you for three years and thinks you’re still friends? No, just no.

  7. She’s not worth the drama she’ll bring. I’m glad your life has turned around for the better.

  8. You know that line from the movie/play *Glengarry Glen Ross*, “Coffee is for closers?” Well Maid of Honor is for best friends or family, and she’s neither. You spent the last few years processing her basically ghosting you. Why would you even consider letting her back into your life and letting her undo all that hard work by being an asshole again?

  11. I thought she recently became your ex best friend, in part due to fall out from not being your maid of honor.

    But the ex status was gained several years ago, probably even before you started planning your wedding , and it’s been no communication in between since that time, so I don’t really see that you have to entertain her complaints at all.

  12. I went through a milder version of the same situation. A divorce, going back to school while having young kids and zero support, and my ex fucking off out of state. My then best friend accused me of sleeping with her ex (what the actual fuck?!?) and took my ex boyfriend’s side when he and I broke up. It was wild. She didn’t listen when I told her I found her boyfriend active on a dating site. She married him then came crying to me when she got divorced.

    I just ignore her when she tries another method of messaging me. I’m not letting her nonsense live rent free in my head.

  14. What advice are you looking for here? Why are you even remotely entertaining her getting back in touch?

  15. I don’t stop considering someone a friend just because of time passing and us not reaching out. I FO stop co sideting someone a friend when they know I need support, offer me support and then ghost me… for years. The anger at not being in the wedding is just a chefs kiss to selfishness. Don’t yell that shitter anything. Return to ghost status and let her figure it out.

  16. She needs to stay an ex-best friend. She has proven that she doesn’t really care about you.

    Delete her & go NC. You have been through so much & deserve to have a great life without her drama.

    Best of luck to you.b

  18. This will get buried because I am 4 hours late, but you and your friend are clearly not compatible as adults….and I am being kind to phrase it that way.

    I don’t know what makes someone ignore a “best friend” when the shit just piles on with the family stuff, but I do know that a “friend” would not participate in ANY prank that brought up the tragedy of a parent’s death.

    You, your spouse, your family, and your actual friends have come through these challenges to get to the place where you are now. So STOP!!!

    Why are you even giving any time to this person? Your wedding, your family life, your friendships, have nothing to do with her.

    Stop giving this loser space in your brain – block her, and let her know that if she makes direct contact, you will consider a restraining order. That might seem extreme, but it will keep her well away from you and your actual loved ones.

  19. She was never your friend. She was a vile excuse for one. If you feel the need for closure, send her a text…

    You literally abandoned me when I really need you. You have done nothing but showed me you never cared about me, you thought it funny when I got pranked—even knowing how my mom died—which shows how sadistic you are. You couldn’t even be bothered to help my cancer-stricken father out. My wedding was with people who actually mattered. Not for some pathetic excuse of a ‘friend’ who wouldn’t stop stabbing me in the back. Or something along those lines.

    But is she really worth all that energy? No. She’s completely worthless. Don’t even acknowledge her. Block her and move on. If she tries to speak to you just keep ignoring her and moving forward.

  20. “Friend, I just want to make sure I understand. Are you upset at me that you weren’t in my wedding, or are you upset at yourself for casting me aside?

    Because I can forgive things that happened in college, we were young.

    And I can almost forgive how you left me at my lowest because I know Covid was hard for everyone.

    But if you are so narcissistic that you are blaming me for your abandonment, then that’s unforgivable.”

  22. I’m going to assume that you’re not actually asking if you should let this person back in your life, and are instead just venting the loss of this and her sheer audacity.

    And fwiw, with someone with a similar story (ghosted multiple times by a best friend, then once at a horrible horrible point in my life so I ended the friendship for good), I can tell you that it gets better. You won’t regret cutting her out and moving forward. And it’s helped a lot by the control of this moment, in getting to tell her to fuck off, and blocking her for good.

    It gets better. I promise.

  24. This really depends on what you want to do. Personally, I wouldn’t have accepted her back. Something is just unforgivable. To say “you can depend on me” then ghost you, that is a bait and switch, and that is not something you do with a friend. Friend are not slave, but they shouldn’t be undependentable. If you are asking what should you do? Ghost her.

  26. She has brought nothing positive to your life for quite a long time. She left you hanging when you really could have used a friend. She left your dad hanging and completely blew you off and became a ghost. Now that she saw a wedding pic, she has the smug audacity to feel anger over you not picking her for maid of honor? You’ve got to be joking! She’s either an emboldened asshat, or a total idiot. Either way, you will survive just fine without her. Ignore, block and ghost.

  27. Tell her to go fuck herself. She’s a terrible person and not a friend to you at all!

  28. Well I lost it halfway through but you owe her nothing. I think you should cut her out. She’s no friend of yours. People move on. Good luck.

  29. “Friends don’t ghost friends after offering to help during hard times. I needed you and you weren’t there, despite saying you would be. Whatever you are, the word “friend” is not the right word to describe it.”

  30. I’m gearing up to confront an ex-best friend at a wedding this weekend. Well, not confront. After close to six years after shit hit the fan and I just sort of peace’d out of her life (and then last year when she started telling mutual friends she wouldn’t turn up to events I was at because ??? – they asked me why, I told them the last time I’d spoken to her was five years previous and had no fucking idea). But she’s the sort of person who I think is going to be like ‘we need to talk’ and I’ve been practicing what I think is the perfect phrase, “I wish you all the best, but I’m not interested in being part of your life.” I don’t think there’s any way to respond to that. Do the same with this friend, “Thanks for reaching out, but I’ve no interest in being part of your life. All the best.” Then, block again.

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