Me (20F) and my guy best friend (21M) have been friends since we were 14. I am a late bloomer in terms of relationships and sexual experience and don’t have much experience, which he knew.
He on the other hand, has been in 2 serious long term relationships throughout our friendship, but we have stayed friends because I was not a threat to their relationships. We didn’t hang out much while he had a girlfriends though because I think that would be a bit weird. He recently got out of his most recent relationship after 1.5 years because they “fell out of love”. They had a rocky relationship and he didn’t seem happy for a while.
After he has gotten out each relationship he suddenly wants to see me and talk to me all now the time now that he doesn’t have a girlfriend to occupy him. I understand though because he is the type to make his girlfriend his entire life. After his most recent breakup he asked to come over and stayed so late that I offered for him to spend the night(which has happened many times before).
While we are in my bed he starts feeling me up and I’m just in shock and don’t know what to do. I kind of just went along with it because after he made the first move I felt like it would be awkward if I said no. He asked if I was sure I wanted to and I said yes just to get losing my virginity over with. One thing leads to another and we have really awkward sex. The next morning he sleeps in super late and after he gets up won’t acknowledge what happened. It was super awkward between us for a few days because neither one of us wanted to bring it up. I decided to confront him and ask him why did that and his response was “why does it matter” and after I told him why it does matter he says “I figured why not”. He was acting so weird and cold which just isn’t like him.
I’m just confused because I don’t expect him to be in love with but I also can’t imagine being friends with with someone for that long just to use them for sex. Maybe it was just a bad case of post nut clarity LOL. I just don’t know if I should continue to be friends with him and act like it didn’t happen or cut him off.
tldr: guy best friend took my virginity after never showing interest in me and I don’t know if I should stay friends with him or if I’m making a big deal out of nothing
21 comments
He was not a good guy and you misjudged him.
Do you want to still be friends with him? If it doesn’t bother you then I don’t see why not, but if it causes you anguish then perhaps best to let the friendship go. He clearly has kinda shit boundaries using you as a rebound like that.
Cut him off 100%. Beyond it sounding like he clearly used you, if he responded that way to you being upset or concerned, he isn’t a friend.
Okay…so ima correct you on that.
First off, he isn’t your best friend. Best friends don’t drop off the face of the earth and come back when they want something. Sure, we all choose different life paths but every time he dropped you like a hot pocket, he only came back after his relationship imploded because he wanted something. Having a girlfriend doesn’t mean he can’t spend time with you. Its misogynistic. Boys and girls can be friends. His life shouldn’t just revolve around a relationship. Its incredibly unhealthy.
Secondly, he didn’t ask you before he started to touch you, so he sexually assaulted you, then you gave him consent because he pressured you, and not because you wanted too, which is disturbing.
And thirdly, he’s treating you like a seat warmer, keeping you on a back burner. If his relationship doesn’t work out, he goes to you and then leaves once he finds a girlfriend. Because he knows you’re gonna be there. So stop being there. He used you and has shown repeatedly that he doesn’t care about your feelings as long as he gets what he wants.
The first time is always awkward and not exactly the best experience for most people, but you need to treat yourself better. Say no when you think no. Also don’t let him continue on to treat you like this. Because you deserve better.
Repeat after me. **He isn’t a friend. Good friends don’t use friends, nor sexually assault them and pressure them into sex.**
I mean he pressured you into doing something you weren’t really ready for. Dudes a dirt bag and maybe a lot worse.
Dude sounds like a total deuche. He used you cause thats what he wanted to do, but he doesn’t have the balls to say it cause he’s a little twat.
Make better friends, cause that guy won’t have your back
To him sex is just a biological urge, he felt the urge after his relationship ended while being in your bed and didn’t care at all about what it meant to you, he just wanted to get off. He’s acting weird and cold because somewhere in his mind he knows what he did was wrong. He did not care about you or your friendship, the fact that this represented a rather big moment for you because you were a virgin, he just used you and he knows it and he knows you did not like that. Being cold is his way of just pretending he didn’t do a shitty thing so he doesn’t feel guilty.
Bragging rights that he nailed a virgin Preety much sums up what happened here
OP this is not a good friend. he used you for company and attention after his breakups, then left, and now he did the same thing just with sex. i’m sorry your first time was like this, but know that it gets much better especially with someone you mutually love and care for.
You’re only 20. Means to me that you were his gf replacement when he was single. And he was hoping you would be just a fuck buddy.
Been there. Made that mistake. You’re not alone. Just try to move on.
He used your friendship for sex.
Simple case of hormones over friendship.
He used you as a means of physical pleasure and expected for there to be no repercussions.
I would say that this is quite common among guy-girl friend relationships, but the problem with your case is that he severely lacked the maturity to talk to you about it like an adult.
Unless you’re wanting to get into a dating or a ‘friends with benefits’ relationship, I’d suggest you cut this person out of your life.
You actively said “yes” to having sex with him. It sounds more like he was disappointing and non-intimate in a way that wasn’t what you hoped.
You are an adult woman, its on you to be able to say “No” instead of “Yes” if you didn’t want to. He does sound like a jerk, but your bigger focus should be on holding your boundaries.
Unpopular opinion alert
Although I’m 100% sure he intended to sleep with you before even showing up at your door, I do think that if you were more sexually experienced you wouldn’t think of this as such a big of an issue.
You said that while he was in a relationship neither of you reached out to one another and hung out, so how important is this friendship to begin with?
About him feeling you up, that’s a bit weird and I would consider confronting him about that, but then the thought of him thinking you were on the same page (after all, a girl he hasn’t spoken to in over a year lets him share a bed with her) comes to mind as well.
Tricky situation, hope you’ll figure it out.
Nothing there to understand .
It is a mess.!
He used you.
you allowed it to happen.
left you with a bad taste after all
..girl you move on..
and try not to make the same mistake again..
there is Nothing for you to try to understand…!
Tell your parents about it.
It is never awkward to say no!!!
If U are unsure of do not want to it is not awkward to say no.
Ask him why he’s acting weird. It could be that he:
1.) Used you.
2.) Is akward/ashamed about what happened and is handling it immaturely.
3.) Doesn’t want to be in a relationship with you and is trying to pump the breaks (in a rather shitty way).
Oh honey. I’ll speak from a little experience here.
This guy may have started out as your friend, but as soon as he dropped you for his girlfriend, that was all bets off. And I hate, hate, hate, hate, HATE to say this for you, but I really do think, from the sounds of things, that he used you for sex and then once it was done he was done too. And if that makes you want to cry, go ahead. I understand the sentiment that you shouldn’t cry over a POS like that, but if you feel that way, don’t bottle it up.
So fuck that guy. He’s a grade A piece of garbage. Please don’t ever let him back into your life. It’ll only lead to further problems and heartache – whether it’s leading you on, new girlfriends, cheating, spreading rumors, or whatever – this is NOT A GOOD GUY. 🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩 run away
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