Me (F 27) and bf (M 28) have been together for 6 months.
Before we became serious he lied to me when I asked if he was seeing other girls. When we became oficial he told me he saw another girl but was afraid to tell me.
Few ago he went to his college town and asked if I would be ok with him meeting his ex for lunch (since they ended in good terms and friendly). I said that it was fine with me (even because my ex came to town few months ago and I asked the same – he said he was fine and then got upset, which it’s ok, because I know it’s a very uncomfortable situation). The night they met he called and said he felt bad but saw each other twice because he needed the closure, has 0 romantic feelings but stills cares about her as friend. I got upset and then forgot. Yesterday I started to think about it and asked again if he wanted to tell me something. Answer: no, nothing. Today I told him that I could feel that something was off about the trip and he confessed he had planned to see her more than once but didn’t tell me because he was afraid of jeopardizing our relationship.
I feel like he loves me and does lots of things that shows his commitment, but I just don’t know if lies can become a real issue. He says he regrets and never had a relationship like ours before so he didn’t know how to act. Does it make sense? Am I being stupid believing?
6 comments
He’s admitting to you his mistakes, that’s a good thing. But it’s up to you if you want to continue the relationship. A relationship is based on trust, do you trust him?
It sounds sketchy, so I’d be concerned. If anything else comes up I’d bail.
The first lie is a warning, the second is a small red flag, the third is a red flag the size of Montana.
Two things to consider:
If he lies about this, what else is he lying about?
And second, the real problem with liars is not that that lie, but they cannot accept that other people may be telling the truth and will not believe them.
I’d run.
No trust = no healthy relationship. If he feels he has to hide who he sees socially, it’s a bad sign.
Conflict is sometimes a good thing, boundaries are set and feelings are communicated. Hiding dumb shit is just needless stress. If he feels he has to hide to do the things he wants to do hes going to get resentful. And you may get resentful because he’s hiding stuff.
Theres a world of difference between respecting privacy and intentionally doing thing behind your back.
He’s trying to do it both ways which is just plain stupid too.
This sounds like trickle truthing. Be careful.
You don’t continue a relationship with someone that lies to your face. Lies are a real issue. They are not their true self and you don’t know that person. Liars and cheaters are one in the same.