Genuine interactions

Hello human individuals! I just wanted to share a perspective in how I personally embrace socialisation.

Well here ill start with a smal not about me. It took me a while to realise, but I’m a little weird. I’m 25, queer, nerdy, LOVE maths, spiderman, octopusses, fantasy and i don’t conform to gender roles. I often feel overwhelmingly anxious in certain situations and often don’t quite understand many aspects of ‘normal’ socialisation.
However I’m very personable and I’m generally liked. I’ve maintained good friendships for years. I’m the person who approaches the newcomer in the group, or goes out of my way to invite and include people.

I’ve never tried to hide who I am, fit in of conform to expectations that I didnt see the point in. I’ve found I draw in people I can be myself around, and who are equally not achieving socialisation expectations. Humans labelled as: neurodiverse, lgbt+, anxious introverts, nerds and geeks and freaks and all that good shit… I guess these are my people and they might just be your people too.

So there’s the general agreement that there are unspoken guidelines for positive interactions. Now some guidelines are always relevant. For example, you should try to pick up on feelings of discomfort from your conversational partners, or you shouldn’t comment on someone’s weight unless they do first, or you should ask someone before you touch them if a physically intimate relationship has not yet been established etc. These do change deoending on who yoyre around, and a lot of this you need to learn through observation and painful trial and error.

But there are many ‘rules’ that, if you’re around fellow oddballs, aren’t so important. It becomes okay to excitedly jump from topic to topic, it’s okay to not maintain eye contact, it’s okay to repeat what the person just said to allow your brain to catch up. It’s okay to speculate about the weirdest crap, and it’s okay to say what you mean! Interacting with fellow oddballs results in more genuine and fulfilling interactions. Yeah, there’s still miscommunications, and you’ll have to accept some eccentricities or maybe do a bit of social negotiation for some things if they break those rules/guidelines and make you feel uncomfortable. But in my opinion it’s worth it to get to that genuine interaction where you can both just be honest.

Now, the question is, where do you find fellow awkward and anxious whackadoodles. Well, do you have a special interest? Go to event nights. board games at local nerd shops or idc, drawing lessons, music clubs or sports or whatever interests are out there. At social events, look for the other silent ones or ones tapping their foot/fidgeting, or petting animals. Say hi, ask them some generic preset question about the common interest or event and maybe how they came about to be at the event… idk, but its cool if you slip in early that it’s your first time here and you’re kinda nervous or like, i often tell straight up that the crowd is jarring or that so much social stimulation is energy draining if they ask me how i am. Becauae it is, and saying it eases tension and sets the standard that a lack of social skill won’t be met with judgement.

Conforming to the norm of socialisation is overrated basically is what I’m saying.
Find the weird ones, let yourself be weird with them 🙂