Me (27M) recently got out of a 2 year relationship I never wanted to end. She left me and ending up finding someone new less than a 2 weeks later. Who has the same name as me, and looks identical to me. I also found her on tinder which is what we used to meet each other. Her profile stated “looking for something casual”
Anyways down to what I’m here for. I see her everywhere in everything. Movies I watch, music I listen too, memories are constantly coming back. I never loved someone so deeply before and I thought she felt the same but she’s able to move on incredibly fast. Me on the other hand are struggling to imagine even touching someone or getting involved again. My dilemma is that I feel really alone and would love to find another women to talk to but I’m scared it will get “real” again.
How do I go about meeting someone again and allowing myself to open up and take a chance?
TL;DR : Girlfriend left me and moved on. I’m struggling to find a way back to dating.
3 comments
You’re not over her, so meeting someone right now is probably not a great idea and wouldn’t really be fair to you or the person you met.
I know this is cliche, but have you talked to a therapist about this? It’s cliche but true: therapy is a HUGE help. A trained professional can help you understand why you’ve got into this negative feedback loop where everything reminds you of her so you think of her all the time so everything reminds you of her.
You need to break out of that cycle and stop obsessing over her. What you’ve done is built her up in your mind into this thing that she’s not. There are literally billions of people on this planet; she was one of them, but not The One.
It sounds to me like you need to cut her out of your life and thoughts. Stop following her and paying attention to her life; why do you know how she met someone or what his profile looks like? Stop cyberstalking them. When you find yourself thinking about her and what used to be, make yourself stop and distract yourself with other things; go out with friends, get into a hobby… whatever it takes to get out of that mental space.
Once you stop indulging in these fantasies about her, you’ll be surprised by how quickly you’re able to let go of her and move on.
Take a break and recentre yourself before you get back out there bro. Make sure she is basically dead to you and can’t reach out or something unless you accidently run into her etc
Get back on tinder and such and get yourself into a couple casual things.
that’s the best way to move on in my experience!