have been friends with my bestie for over 10 years and we share a close relationship but we also respect each other’s privacy and private life. Last month I told her that the guy she was seeing tried to kiss me while we all went to a party and later in the night, he tried getting close to me and prior to that, this man complemented me ALL the time if we meet and talk about how pretty I am. I see that she gets upset so I stopped hanging out with them.
The night that he tried to kiss me, we were all drinking and I went to the bathroom, however, HE apparently got worried and asked her about me and her comment to him was ” if you’re so worried go and check on her” which he did and that’s when he pinned me to the wall and talked about how much he wants me. I told her all of this and she basically said she cut him off.
He works in the same organization like us but we’re not likely to run into him, however, I noticed that my friend started to visit that department alot recently and then I heard them making plans since he called her etc. And most lunch times they basically go out etc ..
Today it was really confirmed since he called her and it as on speaker and walked into her office and heard them. She basically changed his name etc in her phone.
I don’t know how I should feel because she seemed more upset at me when I told her that he tried to be sneaky with me and she went as far as to say that we both were just gazing at each other all night while she was there. .
TDLR; my bestie is being sneaky…
1 comment
Your friend is doing something dumb. Unfortunately, that’s something you’re going to encounter a lot in your 20s. People make dumb decisions because of hormones and horniness.
And so … here you are. THey’re being sneaky because they (correctly) know you wouldn’t approve. But also, you (understandably) don’t want to be anywhere near him so … here you are.
I want to say that despite the fact that she’s being stupid, I don’t think this is the kind of stupid worth breaking a friendship up over. At some point, this guy is going to do something that she can’t ignore or choose to believe was a “misunderstanding” (or whatever she’s telling herself happened when he pinned you to the wall). At a time like that she’s going to need a friend.
It is hard – it’s something that most 20-somethings are not good at – to completely believe something about someone (especially if you’re romantically interested in them) when you haven’t seen it yourself at it seems at odds with what you have experienced directly of the person. She’s probably doing something that most people do – which you have probably done yourself on occasion – “there’s your story, there’s my story, and then there’s the truth.”
She’s probably convinced himself, not that you’re lying, but that basically your experience of that moment, as relayed to her, was perhaps a little exaggerated or his point of view is a little different and who is she to judge? She wasn’t there.
Obviously you’re not going to hang out with the two of him. If I was in your shoes, I’d probably just say, “So you two are hanging out again.” No judgement, just, look, we’re all adults here this is what’s going on, we don’t have to pretend otherwise. And keep your boundary about not spending any time with him.