I “ended” a connection with a man I’d been seeing for a month that I really liked. Super busy with work because he owns a restaurant and is very invested both physically and mentally – hasn’t taken a day off in 2 years busy. Something I can’t relate to because no work is that fulfilling to me lol.
We met online and I ended up “making” him wait 4 months before we connected in person because I was healing from a trauma and subsequent depression, and I didn’t want to waste this connection because I had a feeling we would hit it off and I knew I wasn’t in the right frame of mind to date. Anyways, when I came back around, he pounced on it. We had tons in common and felt comfortable with each other after first date, so we we went on 2 proper dates and spent time at his place 2x in the first month. We definitely had chemistry, he was very physically affectionate (NOT sexually) which I love, and gave me little random gifts which was a first for me. He’d suggest things we should do together in the future and told his dog to get used to sharing him with me, he even had me meet 3 of his closest friends on the 2nd date… Almost everything felt good, but he rescheduled several times in that month. All plausible reasons: rough workday, family member was very sick, random maintenance work needed, etc. But in total he rescheduled 4x between the 3rd and 5th time seeing each other, and I ultimately cut it off before the 5th because I felt slighted. He said he was planning to come but if weather was an issue he would have to reschedule due to a work obligation the next morning. Again, fair reason, but I was frustrated because I just wanted to spend time with him without the fear of him cancelling AGAIN – and it was likely due to the weather forecast. I was disappointed and it was making me really sad because I felt I was pushing myself to really stay connected to him despite the business and my usual generalized & social anxiety.
Due to several reasons, feeling like someone I care about doesn’t have time for me hits me where it hurts BIG time. My past relationships popped off pretty quick and we would see each other 2-3x per week because we were stoked to get to know each other, so I felt like he liked me but just not ENOUGH for it to be a priority.
Anyways, I made it clear that I was upset at the “plans are set so long as ___ doesn’t affect my ability to work tomorrow” and he said he’s just busy with his work and realistically it is what it is and he would always be “communicative” if he needed to reschedule. Said, despite saying verbatim that we are “seeing” each other & making several hints that he wanted to continue having plans with me in the future, that he didn’t realize we were “seeing seeing” each other and that he would be happy if we did. I told him I need the person I’m seeing to prioritize me a little bit and we more or less agreed that this wouldn’t align for us because his work is his life. He was disappointed but didn’t argue it, and hasn’t spoken to me since. I hold onto hope that he will reach out and say he wants to try to make things work but he’s also mature enough to respect the boundary and not bother me.
I guess it can just come down to “right person wrong time” but it’s been a week and I can’t stop thinking that I should’ve pushed my own boundaries to continue getting to know him, but knowing full well that I am incredibly sensitive and foresaw being disappointed again and again in the future.
Do I just move on? I’m so tempted to message him. ….