What’s more American than riding a motorcycle down a runway with a fighter jet taking off as Highway to the Danger Zone plays?

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1. Playing volleyball in jeans then leaving early on your motorcycle to go get down with your girlfriend to “Take my Breath Away” after demanding to use her shower.

2. Smoking ribs while slugging beers and blasting BB King

3. Standing on your front porch with a Busch light in one hand, an unregistered machine gun in other firing freedom seeds at an oncoming F5 tornado to counteract the spin of the cyclone while wearing an American flag cut off T-shirt and Jean short while born in the USA plays over your dollar store speaker system.

4. This, but a also bald eagle flies alongside the motorcycle, swoops down to catch a fat salmon, and lands on your shoulder. Then you gun it into a high wheelie and the eagle shrieks with fierce joy. You take the head end of the still-gasping salmon and you and the eagle rip in half with your teeth. Then you launch into a sweet jump off a ramp made of stacks of $100 bills, and pulling your M60 light machine gun out of its saddle holster custom-tooled from grizzly hide and embossed with profile portraits of the Founding Fathers + Abraham Lincoln and John Wayne, you leap off the airborne motorcycle and machine-gun 12 Hind attack helicopters out of the air, and do a superhero landing directly onto Osama Bin Laden, crushing him into jelly with your cowboy boots. You then light the chewed stub of a cigar, inhale deeply, and NEVER EXHALE. You flick the lit cigar into the pile of $100 dollar bills, which explodes THREE TIMES, the last one in slow-motion.

5. Doing all this, plus calling yourself “Maverick”.

6. hamburger

7. Going to work for 60 hours a week; just to live paycheck to paycheck.

8. Being constantly surprised by all the oddly specific stereotypes about Americans.

9. Playing a moonshine recipe from your iPhone through your pickup truck’s speakers on the freeway towards your log cabin.

10. A guy saying “taxation is theft” and shooting a cab of white claw open with a gun before drinking it. [Link.](https://youtube.com/shorts/fvpyipdIKDE?feature=share)

11. Great movie and great opening scene! America…”fuck ya!”

12. Being 29 years old

13. Standing in line at the DMV while silently judging all the people around you for having the audacity to not be at work and instead being here at the exact same time as you.

14. Being too obese to get on the Motorcycle in the first place

15. A statement that “this is sponsored by Coca-Cola and McDonald’s”

16. Eating a hot dog on the fourth of July at a lake while fireworks explode and an eagle flies overhead while born in the USA plays in background. Bonus points for listening to it non ironically

17. She’s got Brazilian leather boots on the pedal of her German car.

    Listening to the Beatles singing, “Back in the U.S.S.R.”

    Yeah, she’s goin’ round the world tonight, but she ain’t leavin’ here.

    She’s just going to meet her boyfriend down at the street fair.

    It’s a French kiss, Italian ice, Spanish moss in the moonlight. It’s just another American Saturday night

18. Playing piano until your wife’s tells you to take her to bed or lose her forever

19. Eating a cheeseburger (20% fat of course) while watching said scene play out on a South Korean television, wearing XXX-sized clothes manufactured in China. That is more American.

20. What part of the US? In big cities, the American thing to do is to remember with fond admiration the actions of King George III and wish for more of them today.

21. Shooting a firearm whilst an American flag is present somewhere and the glorious scent of bbq meat is on the breeze as well as two stroke engine exhaust is present from a lawnmower or chainsaw.

22. The fact that that’s 100% Hollywood and doesn’t happen in real life.

23. The Laser Show at Stone Mountain in Atlanta, for all the right reasons and all the wrong reasons.

    edit: [this,](https://youtu.be/Bi1AmI3W0cs) for instance.

24. Being 11 years old in 1962 and playing baseball in an abandoned lot with your friends on the 4th of July while the sky is lit with fireworks.